‘I want to give my baby the same name as my friend’s stillborn’

“I think I have the right to name my own child without being burdened by someone else’s trauma,” the mum-to-be says.

Every parent goes about naming their baby differently.

Some pore over baby name books and baby name websites, others search by first letter, or by language.

Others might consider old family names, while some people go into labour having no idea what name they’ll choose. They believe seeing the baby will spark inspiration for its name.

Our kids’ names were names I’d encountered over the years and tucked away in my mind, just in case we needed them one day.

My eldest is named for an old co-worker of mine from 20 years ago. He and I weren’t particularly close, I just liked his name. 

Jolene came across the name for her daughter-to-be in a similar way.

“When we found out she was going to be a girl, we announced that we would name her Adelaide,” the seven-months-pregnant mum wrote in a Reddit post.

“I first heard of this name when I was a kid and thought it was beautiful, and decided that if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Adelaide."

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The mum chose the name Adelaide for her baby, but it caused a huge problem for her friend. Photo: iStock

Mum wants to give baby same name as friend's stillborn

And although she and her husband loved the name, there was a huge problem.

After hearing they were going to name their baby Adelaide, Jolene’s friend, Ruth, started acting distant.

“Two years ago, she tragically lost her baby girl to a stillbirth,” Jolene explained.

“Despite her trauma, she has never been anything less than kind and empathetic towards me, up until the day [I announced my daughter’s name].”

Ruth seemed to hate the name. She tried to convince the couple to change it, suggesting other names, telling them Adelaide was too old-fashioned and saying it wouldn’t suit the baby.

“We kept on denying to change her name, until eventually my friend started crying and revealed that Adelaide was the name she’d chosen for her stillborn baby.”

Ruth had never told anyone the baby’s name until that moment.

“She claims that, by keeping our name, we are disrespecting the memory of her baby.

“She said that if I chose the same name then my daughter would be a living reminder of what could have been.”

While Jolene says she understands the pain Ruth is in, ‘I believe I should have the right to name my own child without being burdened by someone else’s trauma.”

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Reddit community divided over baby name

The Reddit community was divided.

Some said to think of the friendship, reminding Jolene that “Adelaide” was just a name.

“Are you willing to lose a friend over this name,” one person asked.

“I would probably pick a different name,” said another.

One person questioned why Jolene would be so stuck on the name after hearing about Ruth’s heartbreak.

“All you gotta do is imagine socialising with your friend and imagine her misery on hearing that name,” one person said. “If the thought upsets you, pick another [name].”

Others thought she could do what she liked. “Your baby, your right to name it whatever you want,” said one person. “Though sad for your friend, you didn’t know beforehand… it is  outrageous entitlement for her to harass you about your child’s name at this late date.”

Originally published as ‘I want to give my baby the same name as my friend’s stillborn’