I want to confront the mum whose child pulled a no-show at my girl's party

"You are moaning that this woman was rude, yet given what's she going through, it would be even more rude for you to text her."

A mum has shared her experience after hosting a birthday party for her daughter, where one child who was invited didn't show up, despite saying they were coming. 

With no message from the child's mother, and no post-party communication, the mum has been feeling lost about what to do and has turned to the internet for advice. 

Would it be rude to follow up a week later, and should she simply leave it?

Or should she demand an explanation and call out this lousy party etiquette? 

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The unexplained no-show

"So I had a party for my nine-year-old daughter last week - it was low key, in the garden and about seven children invited; we had a bouncy castle/hot dogs, etc, so it was not hugely expensive," the mum began her post on Mumsnet. 

"Everyone confirmed they could come. I sent a few WhatsApp messages prior to remind people to bring swimsuits, etc., and the message was read by all."

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However, when one guest didn't show up, the mum was forced to "crack on" and continue the party without her. 

"No apology from the mum either before or after, it's just so rude and I'm really tempted to send her a message calling her out (in a respectful way - i.e. it would have been appreciated if you'd let me know yada yada)," she said. 

Through the grapevine, the mum found out that the other mum is currently going through a tough divorce, which is holding her back from saying anything.

"I don't want to add to her grief," she said, "however I also think that sending a quick message beforehand isn't too much to ask."

The mum even tried sending a group message thanking people for coming, but she still had no message from the mum, despite her reading it. 

Despite feeling confused by her behaviour, it's mainly her daughter that the OP feels sad for, as she was apparently "really excited" about coming.

To provide some extra context, she adds: "I'm not particularly fond of this mum, she's one of those who posts cryptic messages on Facebook - 'just arrived at the emergency room' and then doesn't elaborate on why, but feeds on all the sympathy messages - so it wouldn't be a loss to me if she takes my message to her in the wrong way."

She concludes her post by asking, "AIBU to send her a polite message asking her why she didn't let me know her daughter wasn't coming, or should I just leave it?"

Image: IStock

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"Give her a break"

In the comments, people weighed in from both camps.

One sympathetic user wrote: "Yes, it's annoying, but if she's having a tough time, then your daughter's birthday probably wasn't a priority for her. I'd let it go and not give it any more thought. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things."

Someone else didn't mince their words and emphasised: "Just leave it. You are being ridiculous, moaning that this woman was rude, yet it would be even more rude for you to message her, no matter how ‘respectful’ you think your message would be."

And a different user echoed this energy, saying: "I wouldn't have even given this a second thought. Give her a break - definitely don't message, it's not like it'll change anything and you know she's having a hard time. Just move on!"

"Do it if it makes you feel better OP, but quite honestly I think you'll be wasting your time, as if she's the sort of person who doesn't think to let you know that her child can't come after all, then she's unlikely to be shamed into making an effort in the future," someone else pointed out.

"Also, you have no idea what she may be going through right now, regarding divorce, etc., so I think your instinct to leave it is probably for the best," a fourth wrote.

Another response provided some practical advice for the mum: "I wouldn't jump to conclusions but would message her separately and say you hope her daughter is okay and it was a shame she wasn't there."

However, there was one mum in the comments who completely saw where the OP was coming from.

She said: "I don’t agree with some of the posts above. It’s plain rude to fail to turn up and totally blank the host instead of apologising. It doesn’t matter if she’s going through a divorce - she’s still reading the messages about the party so she’s clearly able to have sent a 15 second message of apology.

"I’d message saying your daughter missed seeing her friend at the party and next time could she pop you a quick message to let you know if she won’t be coming to something."

What would you do? Tell us in the Facebook comments. 

Originally published as I want to confront the mum whose child pulled a no-show at my girl's party