I used to think there had been a mix up at the IVF clinic

"I can only just imagine the grief and suffering of the two families who are victims of Monash IVF ."

I used to call my son a "Million Dollar Baby."

Not because he's a ground-breaking boxer whose life inspired an Oscar-winning film, but because his journey to existence cost me everything; emotionally, physically, financially.

The only reason my son exists is thanks to IVF.

Which is why I know that by the time most people go to an IVF clinic, they've explored and exhausted their options. Often, they've been struggling with fertility, or pregnancy, or pregnancy loss, for years.

So they put their parenting future in the hands of a clinic, their savings in the clinic's bank, in exchange for the ultimate shot at their dream: a baby.

Which is what makes the "human error" involving Monash IVF's Brisbane clinic, who incorrectly implanted another couple's embryo in a woman, who has become pregnant, then given birth to the baby, and raised it for a year - the absolute height of negligence and cruelty.

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"When he was born, I was worried"

By the time we made it to IVF, my husband and I had been trying to conceive for a few years. We'd been on all the drugs, tried all the things, and finally, my obstetrician, called it.

After two cycles, I decided to give it one last go, then have a break. A break from the injections and drugs and appointments and disappointments... And the cost.

To think that the two families at the Monash IVF clinic went through at the very least, everything I went through (perhaps many more cycles, for more years, and maybe involving pregnancy losses), then to have this outcome, makes me sick to my stomach, and insanely furious.

Especially because I got a very small and very brief glimpse into a similar possibility. (Please note, I am not remotely saying my situation is akin to their nightmare, I am sharing my initial concerns to emphasise the stakes for IVF parents and the trust they just have to place in clinics.)

My son is now almost 18, and is certainly my greatest achievement, and the best thing that's ever happened to me. Of course, I've always thought all of the stress and uncertainty and money was worth it.

But when he was born, I was worried. 

Image: Nama Winston

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"There's been a mix up at the IVF clinic"

Of course, I can appreciate that genetics can be unexpected. I'd heard of twins having different pigmentation.

But I had not expected my son to be born without any of my colouring at all... and to grow into a toddler without any. And as he grew, the seed of doubt in my mind did, too.

I used to make jokes about there being "a mix up in the IVF clinic" - because humour is my way of coping with stress. It's how I'd respond when strangers would tell me, "He must take after his dad."

Then, when he was two, we were were stopped at airport check-in because the staff questioned our relationship. 

If my son had not been born from an embryo that had been made at an IVF clinic, then stored there, then selected to be implanted in me - ie, with me not having visibility to the entire process unlike when you have sex - I wouldn't have been concerned about a difference in skin colour.

But I'd heard of 'mix ups' at clinics overseas, and as a mother, it's of course something I worried about. It's one of the stresses of the IVF process that isn't often vocalised, as women are then often accused of being "paranoid."

Which is exactly what I was called when I began to query the clinic.

Image: Nama Winston

But how could I not? 

Mistakes happen. We've seen that numerous times overseas; now, horrifically it's happened here.

I couldn't live my life wondering. My son deserved the confirmation, too. So the relevant tests happened and luckily, happily, we got the confirmation we needed.

To be honest, knowing for sure has made life easier - if that's the word for it. Not having the same colouring has always aroused 'suspicions' in people, who question our relationship right in front of my son. So, I can explain to him why they do that, and confidently give him facts, so he doesn't wonder where 'he comes from'.

He's always known who he is, and I have, too. I'm his mum and he's my son.

My heart utterly breaks for the child in the Monash IVF disaster, and for both of his mums, too. It really is the ultimate in injustice.

Originally published as I used to think there had been a mix up at the IVF clinic