I organised a weekend away with my friends: they should pay me an admin fee

"It was a debacle. Without me, the trip wouldn't have happened."

When my Mother’s Group raised the prospect of a kid-free weekend away to celebrate two years of being mums together, we all agreed it was exactly what the doctor ordered after months of daycare sickness, tantrums and sleepless nights. 

I "volunteered as tribute" to organise the event.

There’s nothing I love more than scrolling through holiday options on AirBnb - a guilty pleasure even when I don’t have a trip to plan - so I happily offered to find a house big enough for us all.

Living in Sydney, we’re literally surrounded by beautiful holiday locations within a two-hour drive.  I assumed the trip would be a cinch to plan since, in my view, we couldn’t go wrong with any of the options.

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"Increasingly threatening messages"

Since this is a safe space, I’ll admit I actually have a folder full of dream houses saved for exactly this occasion. I assumed I could flick a few of my favourites through to the group, run a quick poll on everyone’s preferences, and get the whole thing booked in a single evening. 

More than a month later, I found myself still swamped with specific accommodation requests, budget concerns, and sending increasingly threatening messages to the tune of "IF YOU CAN’T LET ME KNOW YOUR AVAILABILITY FOR THE LAST WEEKEND OF JULY BY MIDDAY TODAY I AM SORRY BUT WE ARE BOOKING WITHOUT YOU."

That shouldn’t be read as a criticism of my mum friends, who are a uniquely wonderful group of people. They’ve banded together and seen me through some of the trickiest parts of motherhood. I couldn’t - and wouldn’t - ask for better women to parent alongside. When relationships are forged in fire like ours, they don’t break down easily. 

I know, of course, that it isn’t their fault they all have different budgets, different availabilities, and competing ideas about what a great weekend away looks like. What looks and sounds like an exceptional holiday to one person can be unbelievably boring to another.

For some of us, a weekend away without responsibilities is an excuse for a party, and the prospect of staying in a sleepy town without even a pub for entertainment is unthinkable. For others, the major drawcard is the chance to get a full night of uninterrupted sleep - ideally in the middle of nowhere, with only the local birds, a fireplace and maybe a glass of wine for company.

Image: supplied

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"Six weeks and hours of my time"

Preferences aside, even the logistics were a nightmare. Wrangling that many adults - especially adults with jobs, kids, partners, ageing parents, pets, hobbies and homes to run - away for the same weekend is no mean feat.

Everywhere I turned, a cousin’s third birthday party, a father-in-law’s retirement gathering, a husband’s medical procedure or an invitee’s hair appointment (to be fair, they are quite hard to get at the moment) blocked my way. 

In the end, settling on a date, a location, a total budget, room preferences, and a holiday house which fit all of those criteria (plus had capacity to sleep a couple of newborn babies who were invited along the way) took six weeks, and involved hours upon hours of my time. 

Finally, when everything was locked in, booked and paid for, the time came to split the cost. There were negotiations over whether it was reasonable to pay extra to have a single room rather than share room, if those bringing babies should pay more (or less!) to compensate, and if someone who could only stay one of the two nights should be able to pay only half as much as others.

But I have to admit, when there was no discussion of reducing my contribution given I had organised the trip, a small part of me was surprised. 

Image: supplied

The truth is, without an organiser, these types of trips simply wouldn’t happen. Without someone to push things forward, the proposed holiday dates would have come and gone without anyone setting a single foot in a charming country town or drinking a single mug of coffee by a single open fireplace. 

If one person gives up significant time and effort to plan a trip, I think it’s only fair to compensate them for their time. I figure, if you’ll happily pay a stranger on Airtasker to put together your furniture, or a travel agent to book an international trip, it seems more than fair to also compensate your close friend for accommodating everyone’s needs on a holiday that easily could have been put in the too-hard basket. 

And I’m not just saying that because this time, it was me doing the work. Next time, I would happily pay someone else for all that labour. If only so I never have to log on to the AirBnb app again.

Originally published as I organised a weekend away with my friends: they should pay me an admin fee