‘I miss them terribly’: The weird reason this grandma can’t see her grandkids

A heartbroken grandmother pining for her family has posed an controversial question: Who is expected to travel to who? The answer might surprise you...

Extended family relationships can be difficult to navigate and there are many ways in which  parents and grandparents clash when it comes to differing views about food, play or bedtimes.

But as one heartbroken grandmother explains, simply moving locations and then refusing to come and visit, is a particularly difficult way for the familial relationship to break down.

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“I have three empty bedrooms”

“My son and his wife moved three and half hours away and then had children,” the grandmother writes in the Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) forum on Mumsnet.

“The move wasn't for work or house prices, it was simply to live by the sea.

“Both my son and his wife drive, but I've had to stop driving due to age related health conditions.”

The grandmother explains that while her son and his wife refuse to visit because it’s too far and they both work, she has been invited to come and visit them.

“They have said if I wanted to see them and the children, I can come and see them even though they know I can't drive. They also don't have a room at their house, so I will have to stay in alternative accommodation.

“I have three empty bedrooms.”

“I miss them terribly”

Sadly for the grandmother, she has not been able to drive and go to see her son and his family.

“I invited them to come and stay with me instead, but now my son is saying I obviously don't want to visit so don't bother - and declined my invitation.

“I miss my son terribly and the grandchildren.”

The grandmother then asked the Mumsnet forum for their advice or whether she is right to not travel “150 miles” to see her son and his family.

“Am I being unreasonable to think they shouldn't expect me to travel all that way with no car and book myself into a hotel when they could just drive down and visit me and I have the room?”

With over 1000 replies, the unhappy grandma’s post generated a big discussion, with most commentators believing she is being unreasonable.

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“Why can’t you get the train?”

“If they have young children then three and half hours is a difficult journey, car or no car,” one user wrote.

 “Why can't you get the train? If you miss them as much as you say then you'll make it happen.”

Many others felt similarly.

“A three and a half hour journey would be a lot harder for them with multiple kids if they're working,” a different reply began. 

“It's a lot more disruptive for four people to travel seven hours (return) and stay in an unfamiliar house than one person!

"Are you able to get a train or other transport? Perhaps meet halfway and your son could pick you up?”

Many posters felt that this grandmother wasn’t very insightful into how her son and his young family might be feeling.

“You are rich in the one asset they don't have - time. 

“Spend that time on finding ways to see them where it's easiest for them to be, rather than expecting them to spend time they can't afford so that you don't have to put in effort.”

“You are both being unreasonable”

And others read more deeply into the fact there might be more to this story than the grandmother revealed.

“You don’t deem the reason they moved away as valid “simply to live by the sea” as if you can only move due to work or family. 

“Therefore you’ve passed judgement on their priorities and where they’ve chosen best for their family. Would this resentment be something that he’s picked up on?”

Most replies alluded to the fact that everyone involved in this case was being stubborn.

“I think you're both being a bit unreasonable, but at the end of the day if you do want to see them it sounds like you're going to need to make some effort to travel.”

It seems this grandmother might just need to bite the bullet and book a hotel room.

Originally published as ‘I miss them terribly’: The weird reason this grandma can’t see her grandkids