I don't punish my kid, or want him to be blindly obedient to me

"Make it hard for predators to groom them."

Every parent's worst fear is that someone could hurt their child and they might not even know until it’s too late.

 

That fear is what drives so many of us to try and do everything right, especially when it comes to how we parent.

But preventing abuse doesn’t start with panic. It starts with everyday conversations - that aren't always the ones we think we should have.

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Obedience isn’t the goal

Dad and author Jon Fogel runs the TikTok account WholeParent.  He recently shared a clip highlighting the importance of changing our thinking.

In the post, he offered three tips drawn from his own experience raising his 8-year-old as well as his studies in parenting.

His number one tip? Potentially the most important.

“I have raised him to not be blindly obedient to me,” the father explains. 

“Kids who are not trained to question authority are easy targets.”

This means if Jon does something his son doesn’t like, there’s a safe space for him to speak up. 

His second tip goes hand in hand: don’t shame or punish your child for making mistakes. 

"Research is clear on this. Punishment is ineffective discipline to begin with and threat of you know, your parents are going to be mad at you, they're gonna get you in trouble are one of the tools that abusers use to keep kids quiet," he shared.

And his third: have open, honest conversations about the body.  

Jon says he's raised his son to not be "blindly obedient." Image: TikTok/wholeparent

RELATED: 'If you have to put an emoji over your child, just don’t post the photo'

"Groomers often gamify abuse through using names for private parts"

Kristi McVee, an Australian former child abuse detective, echoes Jon’s message.

“When children are raised in environments where open communication is ok and encouraged, they feel safe and valued and they're more likely to speak up about unsafe or uncomfortable situations,” Kristi told Kidspot.

“Children who are confident and able to speak up, especially when they don't agree, also make pretty difficult targets for predators when trying to groom them.”

She also agrees with Jon’s tip about being open when it comes to discussions surrounding bodies. She says that using the correct anatomical terms is a major preventative for sinister behaviours.

“It demystifies the child's body,” Kristi explains.

“Euphemisms or pet names can create confusion and may hinder a child's ability to report inappropriate behaviour, as groomers often gamify abuse through using names for private parts." 

She adds that children who are knowledgeable about anatomical terminology find it easier to report abuse.

Kristi says there are many things you can do as a parent to ensure your child is protected and that you’re able to spot the warning signs.

Her tips are:

Be open and communicate: Encourage regular, honest conversations about feelings and experiences. 

Teach Body Safety and consent: Educate children about the importance of consent, emphasising that they have the right to say no to any touch or interaction that makes them uncomfortable or feel unsafe. 

Monitor online activity: It's essential to be aware of your child's online interactions. Educate them about online safety and the importance of not sharing personal information. 

Know the signs: Familiarise yourself with the signs of abuse, which can include sudden behavioural changes, withdrawal, or unexplained injuries especially around private parts. Also educate yourself on the red flags and warning signs of grooming. 

Trust your GUT: If something feels off about a person or situation, trust your gut and take appropriate action.

For more information, you can visit Kristi’s website to access a range of resources, including her Conversations with Kids Body Safety cards to assist in educating your child about body safety. 

Originally published as I don't punish my kid, or want him to be blindly obedient to me