I booked a room at the same hotel as my son’s Year 6 school camp

"You judge us, but we’re the mums who packed an extra jumper for your kid." 

Sydney mum Michelle doesn’t let her son do sleepovers.

At age 11, he’s yet to spend an overnight with mates. If his peers visit for a playdate, the bedroom doors stay open.

When his class went on the Year 5 camp last year, Michelle’s son stayed home.

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RELATED: I thought he was a control freak for not allowing school camp

This year, after hearing her tween plead to go on the two-night Year 6 camp to Canberra, she reluctantly agreed. But on one condition. She’d be tagging along.

“We don't do sleepovers, and I didn’t allow him to go on camp last year, but this year he begged me,” Michelle tells Kidspot. “I considered his wants, but I followed my gut and made sure I was fully informed before giving my consent.”

"It was to be present, close, and ready just in case”

Before the school camp, a common rite of passage in Australian schools, Michelle asked teachers about supervision, safety, and emergency protocols.

Not feeling reassured, Michelle packed her bags for the ACT as well. “It wasn’t to interfere. It was to be present, close, and ready just in case.”

Michelle planned on rooming with her son but gave consent for him to sleep with his peers once she had their names.

“(The school’s) responses weren’t sufficient for me to feel at ease. The only way my son was going, was if I went with him,” she says. “I have amazing rapport with the teachers… They were incredible with allowing me to express my concerns.”

Michelle received check-ins from her son via a teacher’s phone. And despite the closeness, she never laid eyes on her son. “I respected the schedule,” she admits.

Image: @mich.jay/TikTok

A serious reason fuels mum’s protection

Michelle’s interstate trip did attract some raised eyebrows; a woman told her to “cut the umbilical cord”. But she shrugs off outside views.

“I couldn't care less for public opinions,” she says. “This wasn’t about being overbearing. I have a fun, open relationship with my son. He wasn’t embarrassed. He is thankful I care so much.”

What did strike her, was a hint of jealousy from school mums, “so many of them said they wished they knew earlier so they could have done the same”.

Michelle’s motivation was safety and parental intuition. A value that runs deep because of a family history of abuse.

“I don’t operate from fear. I operate from facts and real-world experience,” she says.

“I have family members who were raped before the age of six by another child because that child had been previously sexually abused by an adult.”

@mich.jay

You judge us, but we’re the mums who packed an extra jumper for your kid 💅🏼

♬ There She Goes - CYRIL & MOONLGHT & The La's

Parents and experts share similar feelings

Michelle’s concern about child abuse is not uncommon, with millennial parents now ditching sleepovers for the same reason.

One motivation is now knowing 90 percent of crimes against children are committed by someone close to them - like a carer, family member or friend.

Alarmingly, 50 percent of child sexual abuse is by another minor.

Child safety expert Kristi McVee, a former WA child abuse detective, uses her social media to warn parents against complacency around supervision.

She says it is vital parents teach kids about consent before leaving them.

"If you've never had a conversation around body safety rights and that it's not okay for anyone to touch your child's body or to ask for consent before they do something, then you should really make sure you kids have those lessons down pat before they go anywhere without you," she explains.

In another TikTok video she shares one in four children will be sexually abused by the time they are 18.

During her career, she saw an increase in “harmful sexualised behaviours”, linked to earlier exposure to pornography, with kids acting out what they had seen on siblings and friends.

While Ms McVee believes camps should wait until high school, she admits we can’t wrap children in cotton wool forever.

“We have to ensure they have the tools to go out into the world and be prepared for it,” she says. “We can't shelter them, but we can give them proper education around abuse.”

Parent educator and social worker, Gen Muir agrees.

“There’s an important distinction; at sleepovers you don’t know how children are being supervised... In school there is safeguarding,” the mum-of-four says.

“I’d hate to see us get to a place where we can’t do school camps. By the time kids go in Year 5 and 6, we’re hoping a lot has been taught about body safety... that you’re allowed to say ‘no,’ and how to ask for help.”

What do other parents think?

When asked in a Sydney school Facebook group about multi-day camps, an overwhelming number of parents said primary school was too young.

One parent admitted to contacting the NSW Government about improving teacher-student ratios on camps, which is one teacher to 20 students.

A teacher shared she didn’t like them as an educator or mum. “My child's school begins camps in Year 3. I am not happy, and do not see the benefit of taking a child away so young.”

Another parent said she knew of Year 3 boys crying themselves to sleep, while one worried about students who suffered from separation anxiety and bedwetting.

However, some commented that camps “foster independence” and are beneficial in later primary years. “It’s a rite of passage. I was nervous, but my son loved it,” one mum wrote.

While Michelle doesn’t believe parents need to tag along to camps – she hopes to encourage them to follow their intuition.

“Forcing kids to ‘toughen up’ by sleeping away from their family for the first time at 11, with strangers in a motel room? It doesn't make sense and I'm happy to be that loud voice for parents that feel the same about it.”

 Would you stay overnight at your child's camp? Tell u in the Facebook comments.

Originally published as I booked a room at the same hotel as my son’s Year 6 school camp