As the mum of a bullied kid, I want an apology from the other parents

"Their silence means they must be a**holes who’ve raised an a**hole. Cowards." Please note: sensitive topics

I've found out that there’s a lot of silence around bullying. A child may not tell an adult they’re suffering. And the child inflicting the damage certainly isn’t telling an adult they’re doing it.

One thing I've learned recently is that too often, the parents responsible for the bully also refuse to say anything.

Cowards.

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The appalling note left by the bullies

A child recently passed a note to my son in class with a nasty message on it. The school has a zero-tolerance policy to bullying and handled it brilliantly. The other child was made to apologise, got a suspension, and his parents were informed.

That should have been the end of it, but I'm disgusted by that note. It read, "We all know you're gay. We don't want to be friends."

For a 13-year-old, that's just unacceptable behaviour. At that age, they know what they’re doing, and they intend to cause harm.

It was like a stab in the heart for my kid to curiously open the note that had been passed to him in class, and see what it said. But I’m so proud of him, because he knew it was wrong and mean, so he alerted the teacher.

As I said before, the school applied their anti-bullying process, and that went a long way to making my son feel comfortable and safe at school. 

But that's not the end of it for me. The nature of this bully's behaviour makes me wonder - what kind of parents does he have?

How is he being raised, if he thinks it’s acceptable to write such nasty words in a note and deliver it. I don’t know anything about his home life, but I also don’t think that matters.

He evidently doesn't live by the values of kindness and tolerance.

Image: iStock

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If it were my son, I'd call the victim's parents

My own son has his fair share of issues to face, but he would never make another child feel as he was made to.

And if by some chance he did? I would want the full school process applied to him.

And I would also call the other child’s parents. 

I would call, parent to parent, and apologise that my son made a dreadful choice. I would recognise my responsibility in that. I would acknowledge how my son’s actions have hurt the whole family, and I would reassure them that the situation’s been addressed.

Because this is the thing: as a mum, when your child is bullied, it's like it's happened to you. So I'd like to think if my son had been the bully, I'd reach out to the mum.

But there's just been silence.

If the roles were reversed, I would be desperate for the other parents to know how sorry I am for the pain inflicted by my child.

In the absence of any gesture from them, it feels as though they’re a*hole parents who’ve raised an a**hole child. I know that's not necessarily true, but what other conclusion can I draw?

Originally published as As the mum of a bullied kid, I want an apology from the other parents