As a mum of teen twins, this is what I say to new twin mums when I see them

"Double trouble - that's one of the most annoying things to hear when you're exhausted." Twin mum Karen suggests these words instead.

Source: Supplied

“Congratulations, you’re doing an incredible job. They're absolutely beautiful.”

If you’ve been wondering what to say when you encounter new twin mums in the wild, the above comment nails it. 

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT be tempted to utter any of the following phrases…

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this.

"Why did you go and have two?"

“Wow, you’ve got your hands full.”

“Twins, they’re a lot of work.”

“Oh, my aunt’s sister-in-law had twins.”

“Haha you won’t get any sleep for 18 years!”

“Why did you go and have two?”

“Gosh twins, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

Or finally, the worst of the worst – “Double trouble!”

Twin mums have heard all of them at least 10 times already (just today alone!) The mum you’ve bumped into knows full well that her hands are full. They’re HER hands that are full of babies, nappies, bottles, sleepsuits and all the things!

Source: Supplied

RELATED: We let our tweens choose their high school

"Sprinkling multiple mum positivity"

I was once that new twin mum and I remember it so well. In those early, bleary days, I found that kind, helpful, positive comments were few and far between. Now, I make a point of sharing a sprinkling of multiple mum positivity whenever I can.

I’ve got a collection of kind, positive comments ready to go. You’re welcome to borrow them so you’re not stuck for encouraging words the next time you bump into a parent of newborn multiples.

These are some of my favourites.

You’re doing an amazing job!

Birthing and looking after two tiny babies is exhausting and anyone doing it deserves so much praise and encouragement.

Congratulations, they’re beautiful

People tend to forget to say the simple things. New twin mums don’t need to hear how hard things are – they deserve to be congratulated on bringing these beautiful babies into the world. They are proud of their babies and want to hear that you think they’re wonderful too.

It gets easier

Those marathon days of endless feeding and nappy changes - with the added challenge of tag-team night waking - don’t last forever. It does get easier and it’s so good to share that news (although, please note: this comment is reserved only for those who’ve been through it so it comes from a place of lived experience).

Karen's twins are now in their teens, so she knows what she's talking about. Image: supplied

RELATED: Twin etiquette: when your kid is friends with a twin

More things to say to a new mum of multiples

You’re going to have so much fun!

Two babies bring such joy. In a world where (alas) most comments received are negative, I make sure my comments are about how utterly awesome the experience of raising twins is. There really is so much to look forward to.

What can I do to help?

If the situation requires it (and even if it doesn’t), step up and offer to help whether that is carrying shopping, buying the mum a coffee or holding open a door. You won’t be offending anyone by offering a helping hand.

If the twin parent is a friend, arrange a day to go over to clean their house, or take a casserole over. Offers to help that turn into real action are always appreciated.

Give a compliment

As a new twin mum, your entire world revolves around your babies. A simple compliment can give someone such a boost.

I’ve told mums they’re wearing killer shoes, or that I love their dress or haircut, or that they’re doing a brilliant job of toddler wrangling while rocking two babies, or that their older child has beautiful manners...

You can find a compliment for every occasion. Be generous with your praise.

I still recall a midwife commenting: “what a stunning dress, mamma, you look amazing,” as I was getting my babies weighed at the clinic.

I was exhausted and sweaty and overwhelmed – but those words lifted me and I felt seen. I still remember it so clearly, 14 years on.

Your words matter

Please resist the urge to share a tired cliché. Instead, spread some positivity – your words have the power to lift somebody up and make their day. You never know – they may still be thinking about your kindness 14 years from now!

Originally published as As a mum of teen twins, this is what I say to new twin mums when I see them