6 myths a baby sleep expert busted about the 18-month regression

"It was my second baby. I thought I had it all figured out. Turns out, there were so many roadblocks I'd accidentally put in place that were hindering my bub's perfect sleep," a Sydney mother-of-two recalls.

Charlotte Willis

@lottiewillis

6 min read

September 21, 2023 - 6:55PM

Baby

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I had one of those "unicorn babies".

You know, the ones that mums brag about in mother's group who have miraculously been sleeping through the night since they were seven or eight weeks old? The "perfect feeders", the "chilled newborns" who "never cry".

Most parents have heard about them, assuming they also poop out glitter and spew up rainbows. But few get to actually see a "unicorn baby" in the wild, let alone have one of their own.

Which is partly why my second daughter was such a surprise and delight. She really was a textbook baby in so many ways... until she hit the dreaded 18-month-sleep regression.

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And boy, were we in for a treat.

Her downward sleep spiral was so swift and so savage, literally the week she hit 18 months old, we were left wondering if it was the same kid.

I'm talking, waking every 15 minutes, needing Mum or Dad to lie down beside the cot and then perform the impossible ninja sneak out, cuddling her back to sleep, unsuccessful stints in our bed, even trips in the car in the dead of night to get her to fall asleep.

It was hell on earth.

Photo: iStock

Time to call in the experts

After weeks spent limping along on broken sleep, with an overtired toddler, an overtired husband, and no tricks or hacks left to throw at this adorable sleep thief, my exhausted and desperate self couldn't take it any longer.

I decided to call in the experts.

Enter: baby and child sleep experts Steph Gouin, and Maryanne Sayers, who both have many years' experience working with kids of all ages to get them snoozing through the night - and give exhausted parents back their sleep.

Together, these ladies (I say ladies, but in reality they're more like fairy godmothers, or baby sleep angels) worked tirelessly with me for several weeks to get my little girl back on track. It was a long and challenging process, and she proved a harder nut to crack than any of us thought possible.

But, it turns out there were many mistakes I was making when it came to my toddler's bedtime routine and sleep schedule. I had NO idea.

Here are the top six things I was doing wrong:

1. Relying on 'sleep regressions' and 'leaps'

Contrary to popular belief, Steph and Maryanne don't actually subscribe to the concepts of 'sleep regressions' and mental or developmental 'leaps' that parents talk about endlessly and all seem to take as gospel. Nor do they believe that any parent has a "bad sleeper" or a "good sleeper".

Quite simply, as Maryanne says, "there's no baby on this earth who hates sleep" and there's also never been a baby or child whose sleep they weren't able to fix. Babies and toddlers, just like adults, are all programmed to sleep through the night - every night.

With that in mind, they adjusted my thinking from just needing to ride the wave and see out what I thought was my toddler's brutal 18-month sleep regression. Once I got my head around this, it was time to get to work.

So much of the work that needed to be done was by me! Photo: iStock

2. Remove "letting baby cry it out" from my vocabulary

Another concept that the sleep experts encouraged me to shift away from was letting my toddler "cry it out", with negative connotations attached.

As they explained, parents are terrified of hearing their babies and toddlers cry and scream in their cots for lengthy periods of time, and those timed intervals spent standing outside the bedroom door can be sheer torture. But shifting my mindset to "giving her the space she needs to learn to fall asleep by herself" as a positive thing was a complete gamechanger.

More often than not, those grizzles, cries and even screams are just bub trying to settle and ultimately put themselves to sleep. But if parents respond too quickly and keep entering the room every five minutes to pat them or pick them up for a cuddle, they will never learn to nod off independently.

Maryanne and Steph's advice? Pop the kettle on and make a cuppa (or a glass of wine!), throw your headphones on with a juicy podcast and try to busy yourself doing anything other than listening to bub's cries. And remember to breathe.

3. Too much stimulation before bedtime

This might seem like an obvious one, but I'm not referring to typical stimulation such as TV time, or any classic pre-bedtime hype up games. It shocked me to learn that I was accidentally stimulating my little girl in small ways before lights out.

Rituals they encouraged me to instantly put an end to included: books in the bedroom with the lights on, drinking her milk bottle in the living room under the bright lights, even play time with her big sister after their bath was discouraged. Maryanne and Steph asked me to trial transferring my bub directly from bath time to her bedroom to get changed in a dark room, having her milk bottle in the dark, and then straight into her sleep sack and into bed.

Too much stimulation before bedtime can spell disaster for parents. Photo: iStock

4. Sleep aids in the room

The first thing Steph and Maryanne said to throw away was the dummy. I was on the cusp of getting rid of her beloved dummies anyway, so I didn't need to hear this twice. As the sleep experts argued, "you're in the midst of overhauling her entire routine, might as well remove the dummies while we're at it!" So off to the Dummy Fairy they all went.

In terms of other sleep aids however, Steph and Maryanne advise parents to remove everything from the cot. This means all soft toys, any comforter or snuggly your bub has grown fond of - anything they now rely on to fall asleep.

This is mostly for safety reasons, but also to allow babies to learn to fall asleep by themselves, with no assistance.

5. Bub needs to be cosy. Like, really cosy

This was an absolute shock to me. I'd always followed the standard TOG rating when it comes to baby sleepwear, which stands for Thermal Overall Grade and is used to determine what we should dress our little ones in for day naps and overnight to keep them warm.

But what I didn't realise is that the temperature of my toddler's room was not quite warm enough for her to be cosy and snug in her cot. The sleep experts pointed out that, even a 3.5 TOG sleep suit is nowhere near as warm or thick as the doonas we like to snuggle under each night when the temps are cooler, and these tiny bodies struggle to retain heat in an empty cot, especially between the hours of 1am and 5am when the outside temperature is typically the coldest.

It's no coincidence that these are typical waking hours for babies and toddlers. Steph and Maryanne encouraged me to add an extra layer to my daughter's clothing for each sleep, and to ensure that the room temperature is a few degrees warmer than I previously had it.

As soon as I tweaked my toddler's layers and room temp, we started to see some results.

Layers are so important. Photo: iStock

5. Excess milk throughout the day

In order to rule out the possibility of bub waking throughout the night due to hunger, the sleep experts asked me how much milk my little girl was drinking throughout the day.

They advised me to cut the morning bottle, as well as the bottle in the middle of the day, and stick to simply a bottle (around 150ml or so) just before bed. This is to ensure bub is taking in enough calories, specifically high-calorie food during the day to keep her tummy full throughout the night.

Mum's conclusion

Some months on from our very intensive sleep overhaul, do I have a "perfect sleeper"? Not quite. But is she a hell of a lot better than where we were at? You betcha. I'm happy to report that my toddler is now mostly a 7pm - 7am sleep queen, who also clocks at least an hour of sleep during the day. Happy bub, very happy parents.

My advice? If you're struggling with your baby, toddler, or even older child's sleep, don't hesitate to reach out to a sleep expert for guidance and support. There are qualified sleep consultants who can and WILL help you. Often parents see results within a matter of days. Because everyone in your household deserves to have a good night - every single night.