'Mum I need to tell you something, I'm in trouble'

"When I asked you for $20..." the 13-year-old began as burst into tears.

I'd just sat down after a long day, when my 13-year-old came into the room, sobbing.

Not just crying, but heaving sobs. That got my attention real fast.

"What's happened?!" I cried out in shock and worry.

My mind went straight to him being hurt at school, because he was such a good kid, he'd never been in any trouble. Which is why I was not expecting what he told me next.

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"Mum I need to tell you something"

Eventually, he managed to get out that he needed to tell me something because he was in trouble.

"I'm really really sorry, mum," he said.

"That $20 cash I asked you for, it wasn't for the fair at school. It was because I bought a vape from a friend."

Oh... sh*t. 

I guess I knew this day would come - some sort of experimental drug or alcohol thing... but I never thought it would happen at school. 

Knowing it was a defining parenting moment, I grabbed his hand and got him to sit down on the sofa with me.

"Thank you for telling me. Ok, so what happened?"

He explained that there was this kid in an older class who was getting vapes from his brother (who was at uni), bringing them to school, and selling them behind "the shed" at lunch.

"Everyone was trying it and telling me it was really cool and I should do it too," my son said. Apparently, he'd been resisting for a while but finally gave in.

So, he lied to me to get the cash, bought one from this kid/dealer, tried it, and "wanted to chuck."

"It was so gross," he told me, while I was thinking, "Well, that was $20 of my hard-earned money down the drain."

Admittedly, though, none of this sounded like anything more than typical curiosity, and something he needed to learn for himself - because as every parent knows, we can educate them and role model, but they will probably want to try 'adult' things at some point.

And then he told me the next bit.

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"Now I'm in trouble"

The kid had been caught by and teacher, and brought in to name the students who had bought a vape from him. My son was expecting to be taken in soon, too.

"I'm in trouble, mum," he cried, and I knew he was absolutely freaking out. Which was the right response.

Now, I just had to not freak out, and we could learn from this.

"Ok, so if that happens, you just have to take responsibility and tell the truth," I advised. "And then it will be up to you to show that you're not planning on making a habit of breaking rules."

"I know, I know, you're disappointed in me," he said.

But this wasn't about me.

"No, you need to know there are real life consequences. What your mate's older brother is doing is illegal, and so is what your mate is doing... and so is what you did. So forget about me being disappointed or not... I will always support you as your mum, but some things will also be out of my hands.

"You've got to make a choice."

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Who knows if I said or did the right thing?

I handled it as best I could. We had another conversation about how vaping is NOT harmless: that it's still inhaling something full of chemicals and with no known benefits. It's age-restricted, just like cigarettes, and there's a reason for that.

I thought of this story I'd read on how to talk to teens about vaping, so I knew that sharing some facts would help. I pointed out this bit to him:

"There's mounting evidence pointing to physical health harms and unknown mental health risks from vaping. There’s no reason for a teen to be vaping, even if adults might take this approach in quitting smoking. Many vapes contain nicotine, whatever the label says, with the potential for dependence or addiction."

I also let him know he's not alone in trying vapes and not liking how they made him feel - no matter what the other kids were saying, and then read him this bit:

"Services such as Quitline, which traditionally provide counselling for people wanting to stop smoking, are increasingly receiving calls from teens struggling with vaping-related nicotine dependence."

We haven't heard from the school weeks later, so I'm not sure what will happen, but I do know these things:

It doesn't take much to become addicted to things that aren't good for you,

Getting angry will just alienate a kid, and

I am so very grateful he came to me for help and support. I made sure he knew that, too.

Parents can call Quitline (phone: 13 78 48) to plan the conversation with a teenager about vaping. They can also contact a GP to help their teen treat nicotine dependence and related effects.

Extra resources about vaping for parents and teens are available in New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, South Australia, Western Australia, Tasmania, Australia Capital Territory and Northern Territory.

Originally published as 'Mum I need to tell you something, I'm in trouble'