'Is this an Aussie thing?': Mum disappointed over 'rude' party behaviour

"Why would you expect any different? He's an adult not a child," someone told the mum. 

An expat’s experience of Australian birthday party etiquette has sparked a debate online after she recounted hosting a party for her husband, only to be surprised when most of the guests showed up without gifts.

Posting anonymously to Inner West Mums, the woman explained that while she mentioned to guests that gifts weren’t mandatory, she suggested that if people wanted to give something, cash would be appreciated as her husband was saving up for something.

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"They all showed up empty-handed, not even with a card"

“I’m new to Australia, so maybe this a normal thing here, but I’m genuinely curious to know what everyone else thinks,” she began her post, which elicited over 100 responses.

“Only one of the families who showed up got him a self-made card and some money as a gift,” she continued. “The rest showed up empty-handed, not even with a card. 

“Where I’m from that wouldn’t happen as if you go to someone’s birthday, you always get them something. Even if it’s just flowers, chocolate, a card etc. 

“So is that a thing here in Australia? I personally wouldn’t do it as I would feel weird to go, have food, drinks etc. and then just shake hands and leave.”

She also noted that everyone’s kids were invited, and there was separate kids' food and games, so no one had to pay for a babysitter to attend the event.

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Commenters say "gifting isn't really a big thing there"

Commenters were divided, with some defending the casual approach to parties and others insisting that showing up without a gift is rude.

“I feel like adult gift-giving in Australia isn’t really a big thing, especially cash. I feel like cash isn’t really gifted unless it’s an engagement or wedding,” the top comment, with 150 likes, read.

Another person agreed: “Adults requesting money is not something I have heard of, and after turning 21, gift-giving isn’t really a thing.”

Then yet another emphasised: “I agree it may seem a bit different, usually we’d only give gifts to adults if it’s a ‘big birthday’ like 21, 30, 40, 50 etc and a party is thrown and catered.”

Others pointed out that the woman specified no gifts on the invite, so she shouldn’t be surprised when people respected that.

“If you say no gifts, most people would respect that and not bring a present,” one person noted.

This person said there could have been another factor at play: “Everyone is doing it tough at the moment - I would imagine more people would adhere to a ‘no gifts’ request now than previously.”

And someone else felt the cash request was too transactional.

“If I was asked to gift money, I would feel like I’d been given an invoice or to crowd fund. Australians are reserved around money and might consider it impolite or embarrassing to have to commit to a specific sum,” they wrote.

On the other hand, there were plenty of people who agreed with the OP.

“I wouldn’t show up empty-handed. Bottle of wine or some chocolates at least” said one mum.

“I wouldn't turn up at someone’s house without anything,” said a second. “Not even to a dinner, let alone a birthday! You are there to celebrate someone... don't be tight people.”

“It’s a nationality thing I find,” claimed one woman.

“I’m Asian and cash is the thing we always give over presents, so we definitely wouldn’t ever be empty-handed! Gifting nothing is rude, and we always stay to help clean up, even if it’s 5-10 mins to help tidy up any rubbish laying around especially if you have hosted too.”

“A bottle of wine or such is common courtesy,” concluded a different commenter.

What do you think? Tell us in the Facebook comments or in the poll above.

Originally published as 'Is this an Aussie thing?': Mum disappointed over 'rude' party behaviour