‘How can I tell my 12-year-old we can’t afford the lifestyle she wants?’

“I might be able to spare $20 for a weekend, but she wants to go on outings, to get new shoes and clothes and I just can’t do it,” the worried mum reveals.

It’s one thing for an adult to look at their budget and realise it’s time to reign in the spending.

Your friends might have just renovated their kitchen or bought a new car, and you’re struggling to put food on the table.

Whatever the reality check is, you've got to stop spending on extras. It's a hard pill to swallow for a grown-up, but what about for kids?

They see their friends with backyard swimming pools, new mobile phones, and nicer homes than they have, and it’s hard to understand why they can’t have all those things too.

“How are we navigating kids’ understanding of tough financial times?” a mum asked in the Mums on a Budget Australia Facebook page.

“My 12-year-old is not old enough for a job and I don’t have spare cash for chores.

“I’m part-time work at the moment due to looking after a baby, but 12-year-old wants everything on trend.”

All the mum had to spare is $20 for a weekend, and that was a stretch.

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The mum was overwhelmed with budget pressures and she didn't know how to tell her kids. Photo: iStock

Mum struggling with finances doesn’t know how to tell kids

The daughter wanted everything her friends had: new Crocs, treat food from the shops, to do activities like bowling.

“If she doesn’t get it, she sulks every time I say no then hides in her bedroom.”

The mum added that when she was working full time, she spoiled her daughter.

“I just feel so deflated when they sulk and say I never do anything for them or buy things they want.”

The community had plenty of low-cost and free alternatives to buying new things.

“Bring back games nights, backyard cricket and the like,” one woman suggested. “Invite friends over to join in. We need to teach this generation there’s more to life than spending money at the shops.”

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Others said the mum shouldn’t give in to the daughter.

“Let her sulk, times are tough,” one person said. “My daughter is 12 and I cop the same as her. Even when she gets what she wants it’s still never enough.”

Some mums shared their own experience.

“Growing up knowing we were poor and there was no spare money lying around, eventually I stopped asking for things,” one woman said. “I understood that when I was old enough to work I’d get myself a casual job and I’d have my own money.”

One woman said the mum should validate her daughter’s feelings.

“Agree with her that it sucks that she can’t have the thing she wants,” a mum said. “Tell her you wish you had more stuff too. Tell them a lot of people are feeling this way right now, and it’s not fair. It doesn’t make the problem go away, but it’s easier to cope with if they feel heard.”

Originally published as ‘How can I tell my 12-year-old we can’t afford the lifestyle she wants?’