How to cope with sleep deprivation after having a baby

Mum Ashlee Dear says that the lack of sleep after having her baby meant she would get annoyed at her husband over small things. These are some tips on how to cope.

If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve had some sleepless nights.

With a baby needing constant support, love and attention, it can be hard for parents to find time to accomplish their most basic needs.

This is especially true in the case of sleep.

Dr Nicole Highet, founder and executive director of the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE) and a clinical psychologist, said sleep deprivation impacted parents in various ways, often with debilitating consequences.

“When you’ve been denied good, quality sleep for a significant period of time, it impairs your ability to function,” she said.

“Parents face the demands of caring for a young baby and it puts them under enormous pressure.”

Dr Highet said everyone experienced tiredness but when parents consistently lacked sleep, it became debilitating.

Ashlee Dear had difficulties with sleep deprivation after the birth of her baby Penelope.

“For parents, insufficient or poor quality sleep can really impact their emotional and mental health,” she said.

Lakes Entrance Mum, Ashlee Dear, experienced the full effects of sleep deprivation after the birth of her daughter Penelope Lousie Dear.

She described it as a very rough period of her life.

“It got pretty dark,” she said.

“I was second guessing everything, I kept thinking if I was really capable of being a mother.”

The strain extended to her marriage.

“I would just get so annoyed at my husband for nothing … if he was breathing heavily (during sleep) while I was changing my baby I would be so frustrated,” she said.

“He wasn’t doing anything wrong but I would be so annoyed at little things because I was so tired.”

When her husband was at work, she said it was hard to find time for sleep in her schedule.

“I would need to be up early for appointments and when I was up all night with her, I just wanted to stay in bed,” she said.

“It was a never-ending cycle of needing to nap when the baby did but also needing to get the house work done.”

Ms Dear said she had difficulty asking for help, making life even harder.

Ashlee Dear said it was a very rough period of life.

“I have really struggled to let anyone look after her … it took me a long time for me to even leave her with my husband, not that I don’t trust him, but it’s more I know how to do it.”

Dr Highet said there were several signs a parent was sleep-deprived.

Irritability, short temper, decreased tolerance, concentrating issues and not being able to function at full cognitive capacity were among the most common.

Sahra O’Doherty, registered psychologist and president of the Australian Association of Psychologists (AAPi), said there were significant physiological impacts of sleep deprivation.

“It can ruin our ability to regulate things like appetite,” she said.

“It can also lead to a heightened stress response which can weaken the immune system.”

Ms Dear found the best thing she did in her scenario was to ask for and accept help.

“For little periods, someone will take her while I go to rest or get my nails done and that has helped my mental health a lot,” she said.

“It’s really good for the baby as well, to have that little bit of separation and just learn that you’re going to come back.”

Ms O’Doherty said parents should adjust their expectations during these challenging periods.

“We should set expectations for ourselves a lot lower than a lot of parents do,” she said.

“People still expect themselves to go out daily, cook every day … These things are significantly less achievable when our primary focus is to care for a newborn.”

Ashlee Dear said the impacts of sleep deprivation made her question most decisions.

“Try to implement self care, have a routine, get outside and nurture yourself.”

Dr Highet said improving sleep hygiene was important to combat sleep deprivation, though it could be difficult with a baby.

“Take opportunities whenever you can to sleep, the washing and chores are not as important as restoring your own health and sanity,” she said.

Originally published as How to cope with sleep deprivation after having a baby