Lauren Zonfrillo reveals what life after Jock looks like in new memoir

Almost two years since the death of beloved MasterChef Australia judge Jock Zonfrillo, his widow Lauren will open up on her life raising two children alone.

Lauren Zonfrillo has opened up about the “freak waves” of grief she didn’t see coming following the death of her husband and MasterChef judge, Jock, almost two years ago.

In an extract of her upcoming memoir, Till Death Do Us Part, published in The Australian Women’s Weekly May edition, the mother of two revealed that on her first birthday without Jock, she spent most of the day crying.

“Jock always celebrated me on days like this, and he gave a lot of thought to every element of the day,” she writes.

Ms Zonfrillo reminisced about the effort Jock would put into celebrating occasions, carefully creating gifts and planning a whole day of activities.

“Naively, I thought all the firsts happened in the first year. That may be true for the first Christmas or Mother’s Day, but they actually come in waves each year, and some are freak waves I didn’t see coming,” she shares.

Lauren Zonfrillo with her upcoming memoir. Picture: Instagram

Lauren says life without Jock Zonfrillo is filled with “freak waves” of grief. Picture: Instagram

Born Barry Zonfrillo in Scotland, the late chef emigrated to Australia in 2000 where he settled in Adelaide. He joined the MasterChef judge panel in 2020 and achieved new successes on the show.

Jock passed away on April 2023 after he was found unresponsive in a Melbourne hotel room in unsuspicious circumstances.

In her memoir, Ms Zonfrillo says as her kids get older, it’s hard to not dwell on what Jock missed.

“I’m sad on the kids’ firsts because Jock deserves to experience them”, Ms Zonfrillo writes.

“I cry because I feel the pain of him missing out, not necessarily the kids missing out.”

Lauren remembers the effort Jock would put into celebrating occasions. Picture: @zonfrillo

Jock and Lauren have two children together. Instagram

Ms Zonfrillo wrote that after Jock’s death, MasterChef Australia judge Andy Allen and his wife Alex showed her great support, choosing to spend their Mother’s Day with her.

She wrote that they cooked lunch for her and brought her wine.

“But it was even more special to me that they had missed Mother’s Day with their own mums so they could be there for me”, she wrote.

The pair were also there for Ms Zonfrillo’s birthday, flying in from Melbourne for the occasion.

Ms Zonfrillo also shares that she has parental guilt now that she is a solo parent, adding

she has started to remind herself that “good enough was good enough”.

Whether that means having Uber Eats deliver a cake for her son’s birthday or leaving the Christmas lights off because she can’t figure out how to turn them on.

“I just keep telling myself that I am doing the best I can in this moment in time”, she writes.

Ms Zonfrillo acknowledged that she doesn’t have the cure to grief.

Born Barry Zonfrillo in Scotland, the late chef emigrated to Australia in 2000. Picture: Instagram

She doesn’t know how to manage her emotions during personal firsts or special occasions, other than “knowing they will hurt”.

“I acknowledge I want time to pass so I am allowed to be happy again and can be the new version of myself without feeling guilty or judged,” she writes.

Ms Zonfrillo also explains why she recently returned back to the Gruen panel, a TV show she’s been associated with for 10 years.

“I had decided to return to the show because that’s part of my identity; and it was more important than ever that I had a solid career because I needed to provide for our two young children,” she writes.

But now that the one year anniversary of her husband’s death is behind her, she said shifts from “getting through one day at a time to freedom and release from the guilt.”

“Getting to one year was a big goal. It felt like a finish line that kept moving,” she writes.

“I was continually reaching for it, trying to bring it close. I didn’t know what I expected the prize to be when I got there; I just knew I wouldn’t feel like a winner.”

Originally published as Lauren Zonfrillo reveals what life after Jock looks like in new memoir