Expats’ big problem with friendship in Australia

Foreigners living in Australia have made some sad observations about an important aspect of life.

An Italian expat who has lived in Australia for 14 years has highlighted the difficulty in developing friendships beyond a beer at the pub or a morning on the golf course.

Fabrizio Spada says while people are friendly and welcoming, it is hard to bond with Australian men on a deeper level.

“It could be a game of trivia at the pub with a group of friends, or a game of golf, or finding someone who wants to get fit,” he told SBS Insight, which will air its “Bromance” episode on Tuesday night.

“The moment the activity went away, the people went away. I literally lost friends; friends that I thought were willing to keep investing in the friendship despite or beyond the activity.”

Fabrizio Spada has noticed a difference between forming friendships in Australia compared to Italy. Picture: SBS

Aussie male friendships are often built around activities like a beer at the pub or sport. Picture: Justin Lloyd

It is not the first time expats have drawn attention to the difficulties of friendship in Australia.

Last year, a New Zealand woman living in Western Australia went viral on social media for sharing the culture shock she experienced when it came to making friends.

“I feel like since I’ve been here, I’ve tried really hard to make friendships and connect with people but it just feels like, while everyone is friendly, everyone is polite [and] they’ll ask you ‘hey, how are you? how was your weekend? what are you up to?’ – but the depth of connection they’re willing to have with you, it only goes so far,” she said in a TikTok clip.

The Australian Men’s Health Forum’s says we have a ‘mateship crisis’. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Ian Currie

Thousands of people commented on the video, with other expats sharing they too had struggled making adult friendships Down Under.

“Most of my friendships in Australia are with other immigrants,” read a comment with more than 2000 likes in support.

“Been here four years and I can 100 per cent relate to you. All friendships feel vague and empty,” another expat agreed.

“Same! I moved to Brisbane from Germany about 4 years ago and can’t seem to find the same depth of friendship here!” wrote someone else.

“I’ve been having this problem! I moved to Australia six months ago and I feel like everyone I’ve met has like a limit on friendship,” penned a fourth.

Clinical psychologist Dr Zac Seidler told Insight it was common for men to lose friends as they get older and stop participating in activities like sport.

“Especially among men, when you are doing something that is so experiential, that once it leaves, you don’t seem to have a shared connection anymore,” he said.

He encouraged men to engage in these activities but also share other parts of themselves when doing it for long-term benefits, and seek connections elsewhere when these activities come to an end.

“Once men lose that youthful exuberance, that ability to sink schooners together, that ability to do crazy sporting activities that you can’t do as your body starts to fall apart, there’s this reluctance to actually find new opportunities,” Dr Seidler said.

As many as 1 in 4 men say they don’t have any close friends, according to the Australian Men’s Health Forum.

AMHF refers to the issue as a “mateship crisis” but argues it is not unique to Australian men and is observed in other countries.

Insight’s episode Bromance airs Tuesday at 8.30pm on SBS or on SBS On Demand.