Sorry, childless Millennials going to Disney World is weird

It’s known as the happiest place on earth, but should Disneyland start excluding childless Millennials from their famous theme parks?

OPINION

When you wish upon a star … a crazed mum will say how things are!

The internet was set afire this week when an old Facebook post resurfaced on Twitter, showing a mother’s expletive-laced rant declaring that Millennials without kids should be banned from Disney World.

“It pisses me off TO NO END!!!!! when I see CHILDLESS COUPLES WITHOUT (KIDS) AT DISNEY WORLD!!!!,” she wrote, as if a drunk contestant on The Bachelor.

“People without CHILDREN need to be BANNED!!!!! Mothers with children should be allowed to skip ALL THE LINE!!!”

The reverse Miss Hannigan went on to describe the straw that broke the mouse’s back.

“This c**t in some very SL**TY shorts was buying a Mickey pretzel and Aiden wanted one but the line was very long so I said later and it broke his poor little heart and he cried,” the woman added. “I WANTED TO TAKE THAT F***ING PRETZEL FROM THAT TRAMP LIKE THANKS BITCH YOU MADE MY SON CRY!”

Why young adults going to Disneyland is weird.

The happiest place on earth, you say? While mum will win no prizes for speechwriting, oration or, well, peace, there was a glimmer of wisdom contained within her word vomit.

“DW is a FAMILY amusement park!” she said. “Yet these IMMATURE Millennials THROW AWAY THEIR MONEY ON USELESS CRAP!!!!”

Ms. F***ING PRETZEL is right on this point. Millennials are indeed in an unhealthy relationship with Disney, having granted control of so much of their leisure time and personality to a single, enormous corporate entity meant for children. Want to see a movie? Let’s go to the remake of 1994’s The Lion King or 1992’s Aladdin. Want to go on vacation? Sure, let’s jet off to the new Toy Story Land at Disney World, based on my favourite film from 1995. While we’re at it, why not return to the safety and comfort of the womb?

The usual complaint about those born between 1981 and 1996 remaining constant 12-year-olds is that the behaviour amounts to self-infantilisation and a lifelong immaturity that bleeds into basic decision-making: getting jobs, paying bills, staying alive.

Have we gone too far with the adult Disney obsession?

But another oft ignored problem with letting a kids brand control your adult life is the stupidity and culture ignorance it leads to. You’re skipping great films such as Booksmart and The Farewell to relive second grade. And your annual (or more, God help us) trip to Disney World costs as much — and more in some cases — than a trip to Europe, South America or Canada, where you would meet people different from yourself. People for whom the only colour of the wind is see-through. Fanny-pack-less people.

But many Millennials are fine with sticking to A Whole New World rather than exploring a whole new world. A 2018 Morning Consult survey showed 75 per cent of non-parent Millennials were interested in going to a theme park that year.

In the case of Disney, which is gearing more towards Millennials with nostalgic attractions and added cocktail bars, it’s not so simple as hopping in the car and strapping into the Tower of Terror. That trip will set you back. It currently costs $A157 per day to visit one of Disney’s four parks — $A947 for a six-day trip. Hotels in Orlando will run you about $A217 a night — $A1086 for five nights. Average airfare to Orlando is $A376, according to the Bureau of Transportation. That’s $A2410 before food and drink.

Should Disneyland be for adults with kids only?

I know I’ll get a barrage of emails and tweets explaining all the crafty ways Walt Worshipers shave a couple hundred dollars off their Disney trips. Noted. But that’s not the point. Why do the same old, safe, boring thing when you could buy a round-trip Norwegian Airlines flight from New York to Paris right now for $A405, get an AirBnb and sit along the Seine drinking rosé?

Oh, who am I kidding? You’ll skip the Louvre and go straight to Disneyland Paris.

This article originally appeared on the New York Post and was reproduced with permission