Advice for first-time cruisers: 8 things I learnt on my first big cruise

A cruising expert imparted some rather entertaining information to this first-timer. 

For a long time, I’ve identified as a bougie boutique cruiser.

I’m not sure why I had anything against big ships, I just didn’t get the appeal.

Never did I think I could tolerate, let alone so enthusiastically enjoy, being on-board a moving vessel with more than 2,000 other humans. I couldn’t see the upsides to a “floating hotel” and the thought of being trapped on-board with screaming kids and obnoxious types at sea (I’ve clearly seen too many movies) with no immediate exit strategy was not my idea of a good time.

That was, until I stepped off a seven-day ‘Adriatic Gems’ itinerary on the Oosterdam with Holland America Line. And now I must eat my words (preferably at the Taco Bar). Here’s what I learned on my first big cruise.

1. Cruising makes people happy (really happy)

As soon as you set sail, everyone seems to be having a good time. Picture: iStock

You can tell an experienced cruiser first by the smile on their faces and then by the vibrancy of their Hawaiian shirts. People on big cruises are having THE time of their lives. I’ve never seen travellers so relaxed; they wander around the decks and halls with grins the size of a crescent moon. One of the greatest joys of my cruise was seeing the stresses of daily life dissipate on others, their collective worries evaporating as we departed the port from Athens.  

2. There’s plenty of banter

You'll develop your pickleball (and banter) on board. Picture: iStock

Whether you’re a solo traveller or not, big cruises are an incubator for friendships, even if they’re fleeting. My cruise offered everything from singles and solo’s meet-ups to LGBTIQ+ gatherings, trivia, a bar crawl, Bingo and team sports such as pickleball and basketball. These familiar faces you bump into every day in the halls and at the bar become like family for that short period of time.

3. Pineapples aren’t just pineapples

Keep an eye out for those pineapples.

I had the fortune to be cruising with a small group of strangers, such is the nature of this job at times. One of them was a cruising expert who imparted some rather entertaining information. Pineapples, in all their forms, whether it's a towel clip or hung on the handle of your cabin door, is the symbol used to signal you’re interested in swinging.

4. Days at sea are underrated

Holland America's Oomsterdam ship.

Port days can be all-go with shore excursions, so it’s nice to be able to break up a week-long cruise with the odd day where you do nothing. You don’t have to do nothing, of course, and on the Oomsterdam, there’s plenty to tempt you, such as sunning on the Lido Deck or beer tasting. Aside from the ‘day at sea’ highlight of watching Mt Stromboli volcano erupt at dusk, I enjoyed the slow tempo of these days, and the luxury of being able to one point order room service and watch a movie in bed without any interruptions.

5. The ship becomes home

Stunning Corfu.

Dubrovnik is breathtaking, so is Kotor. Corfu has stunning scenery and beaches, and the pizza in Naples is worth every bite. Exploring new places are the reason we cruise, but there’s something blissful about getting back on the ship each day, returning to your little home at sea, where you don’t have to think about where your next meal is from and without any of the hassles you might encounter in ‘the real life’. 

6. The food FOMO is real

You certainly won't go hungry.

Yes, the meals are free on-board, and delicious (our cruise had an all-day Taco Bar and an endless array of rotating options for lunch and dinner). But my rule is, if you see something you want to eat in port, eat it. And that’s especially the case when in the Mediterranean and cruising through Greece and Italy, two of the greatest culinary destinations in the world.

7. Wallet, what’s that?

Heading for a drink at the bar? No wallet required.

It's a strange feeling to roam about a cruise ship for a week with nothing but your passenger card on you. This valuable piece of plastic is used to pay for drinks and any other expenses, such as massages, and it was so freeing not to have to worry about carrying a handbag everywhere.

8. Watch your tab

Most cruises automatically add a daily gratuity charge to your account, and in Holland America Line’s case it was USD$17.50 ($28). What you might not know is that this amount can be adjusted on-board. Likewise, an 18 per cent tip is added to all bar charges. Something to keep in mind.

The writer travelled as a guest of Holland America Line.

Originally published as Advice for first-time cruisers: 8 things I learnt on my first big cruise