Second marriage honeymoon fundraising: ‘Am I being unreasonable?’

A woman questioning whether or not to donate to a honeymoon fund has been criticised for being “judgy” about the couple’s wedding wishes.

Is it unfair to ask for guests to donate to a honeymoon fund at a second wedding?

In the age of crowd-funding and declining tradition, there’s naturally some cultural friction.

A mum has landed in the thick of it and has reached out to community Mumsnet for advice.

She explains her friend is getting married “for the second time for both of them” and has asked guests to donate to a honeymoon fund.

“They both earn good money but spend over their means, she tells me so and will quite happily admit to maxing several credit cards,” the mum said.

She goes on to explain she generally doesn’t agree with people asking for money to fund their honeymoon when they could budget for that themselves.

TooOldForThisSh*te says, “They are going away a week or so after the wedding to Europe but they don’t want this to be a honeymoon as it’s not enough apparently.”

Whose side are you on?

She then adds, “I do however want to get them a gift. I’m not sure what though.”

Unsurprisingly, this was a contentious post, with nearly 500 people weighing in.

VivienneHolt says, “I think this is a bit judgy. Most people could save up and pay for a toaster or some fancy sheets too if they wanted, but they still get them as wedding gifts. If you want to get them a present, get them what they want instead of trying to insert your own moral principles into the situation.”

TheFridgeRaider agrees, “I don’t get this hate towards having money instead of physical gift. Just put money you would spend on something they will probably never use into an envelope.”

A mum has landed in the thick of it after questioning a honeymoon fund.

Essentially, without getting sidelined by extensive toaster discussion (as this internet thread did) there was hundreds of comments that fell into two camps.

Many thought the woman judgy: “Their lifestyle is totally irrelevant. You give them a gift, so something that they will enjoy and make the most of - they made your life simple by directing you towards honeymoon fund. There’s nothing to ‘agree with’, the gift is for people who receive it. Not the time to put your judge pants.”

GroundAnchoChilliPowder is on the woman’s side: “Grabby as AF. £40 ($A72) isn’t enough? C’mon, it’s a second wedding, shouldn’t be asking for ‘gifts’ of any sort. Just don’t go to the wedding and send them a card”

This article originally appeared on the New Zealand Herald and was reproduced with permission