Seven hardships only business class passengers suffer

Think you have it tough in economy? You should try flying up the front of the plane. It’s an absolute nightmare.

James Booth – Escape

4 min read

March 12, 2023 - 9:10PM

Seven hardships only business class passengers suffer.

If you think business class is all ergonomic ecstasy and simpering service, think again: It’s a minefield.

From death and taxes to the economy toilet’s bin overflowing with paper towels at some point during a long-haul flight, some things are just inevitable in life. What isn’t a bygone conclusion, however, is having a bangin’ time in business class.

That’s right. As one American business class passenger’s embarrassing experience recently reminded me, travelling at the Pointy End can be dark and full of terrors, Escape reports.

Business class looks like a breeze, but it’s actually quite stressful.

Not only did the aforementioned American infuriate the Swiss passenger opposite, but they also demonstrated perfectly one of the business class indignities that economy passengers do not have to suffer.

That humiliation? Having to go on a mining expedition into the innards of your seat to find your AirPods, when they inevitably fall out of your ears. This isn’t the only hardship business class passengers are forced to suffer. There are a bunch more. Introducing: Seven hardships only business class passengers understand.

Because you’re lying flat, it’s easier to lose your earbuds

Good luck finding these in the cold metallic intestines of your seat.

While losing your headphones is also possible in economy, it’s less likely, because you’re not lying down. It’s also less annoying when you do lose your headphones in economy, because you don’t tend to lose your headphones inside your seat, but instead underneath it.

This means that, in cattle class, once you get on your hands and knees, you tend to find your lost goodies quickly. In business, it’s more complicated: there are a lot more hide-y holes, and you are more likely to need to ask a flight attendant for assistance. Just ask our American friend, who struggled so badly to find their AirPods they were shamed on FlyerTalk for it (being drunk and disorderly probably didn’t help either).

User Fyfan, the beleaguered passenger opposite the troublesome American, wrote on FlyerTalk: “After serving the meal service – she had nearly finished a glass of red wine. And she started yelling at the purser … claim[ing] she lost her AirPods in the seat.

“Again this became the purser’s job and she basically had to recline the seat, deconstructing some of the seat cushions. So the passenger and the purser for prolonged periods were both in the aisle, blocking me from leaving my seat.

“The AirPods were never found.”

The headphones hurt your ears

After seven hours, even a $700 pair of headphones will start to gently irritate the edges of your ears.

Even if you don’t run the gauntlet with your AirPods, listening to music with fancy over-ear headphones can still be a challenge. How? In most cases, even luxurious headphones become uncomfortable after seven or eight hours of use, and require a period of time when they are switched with cheap in-ear headphones to mitigate the creeping sense of water torture that creeps up on your tips and lobes if you don’t. Take it from me: It sucks.

Economy passengers judge you as they board

Two bellinis for one, please. I don’t care that it’s 6am.

As the cattle class masses walk past you, with your champagne in one hand and plated nuts in the other, cosily settling into your insanely expensive throne, it’s only fair they shoot you a dirty look, as they trudge to their doom. The joke’s on you, however: If only you’d have booked an economy seat, you would have been able to enjoy your alcohol without feeling like you’re an exotic creature in a zoo.

Business class passengers are more likely to misbehave

With all the drinking going on, there’s more bad behaviour in business class than you’d think.

I don’t know how many happy, well adjusted rich people you know, but I’m willing to bet it’s not that many. Not only does the abundant alcohol in business class make for an environment ripe for rumpus, but so do the (often) entitled clientele. And though it’s true that people like to put their feet on head rests and recline inappropriately in economy, the endless stream of business class passengers acting up more than holds its own among the tales of unhygienic acts.

You are more tempted to pig out

Now that’s what I call an invitation to gluttony...

Because the bread doesn’t taste like cardboard and the curry doesn’t liquefy your insides and make you Usain Bolt to the toilet (like it does in economy), in business class you are far more likely to overindulge. If you’re not careful, this can lead to you arriving at your destination less than refreshed, and wishing you had stuck to the frugal – but probably healthier – option of economy.

Skipping the line in the airport is embarrassing

Sorry not sorry.

Are Birkenstocks really that much classier than thongs?

Comfortable... but conscience pricking.

Getting a fast-tracked path to the check-in counter, through security and on to the plane is great, there’s no denying that. But it is a little awkward.

You feel obliged to dress up

These days dressing up isn’t a requirement of flying. But the golden age hangover still makes you feel a teeny bit bad for rocking up in Birkenstocks, a crusty white T-shirt with more creases than an old man’s forehead and trackies.