Flight attendants’ ultimate guide to the skies

PLEASE stay seated until we give the OK, and turn off that mobile phone! Here are 10 things that everyone should know about air travel.

‘Attention passengers: this is how you fly’

PLEASE stay seated until we say it’s OK to get up. Don’t leave your nail clippings everywhere. And turn off that mobile phone!

Even for the most seasoned traveller, flying can be stressful and confusing. So to help everyone’s mile-high experience go more smoothly, flight attendants have shared their top 10 tips on the travel website SavvyStews.

Ultimately, flying is one big compromise. So please pay attention to these nuggets of wisdom.

1. Remove your boarding blinders

It’s more than likely that you won’t be the only passenger on board, so standing in the aisle to unzip and comb through your luggage in search of a magazine and your iPad will result in a traffic jam of epic proportions. Pack accordingly and be prepared to get out of the aisle as quickly as possible. Make sure the items you plan on using in-flight are easily accessible and not shoved into the bottom of your bag.

2. Take a back seat

If you’re seated in the back of the plane, it isn’t necessary to jump up and stand in the aisle as soon as the seat belt sign has been turned off. If there was a fire, trust me, you’d be the first to know and we would get to use that fun inflatable slide thingy. You may want to buckle down and rest those legs for a few more minutes while the 100 people in front of you hang from the overhead bins like monkeys and start deplaning. You won’t be moving for a while, enjoy the show.

Please, listen up.

3. Can you count to 50?

If you can count to 50 you should have no problem finding your row. Believe it or not, many passengers walk to the back of the aircraft to ask a flight attendant where row three is. First class wouldn’t be called “first” if it was in the back, it’d be called “last class”.

4. Power tripping

It’s not a power trip for us, it’s a simple power down for you. Just do it. You know what we’re talking about. The time has come. Just. Turn. Them. Off. Hey, you! Not aeroplane mode … OFF. Thank you.

5. Dirty deeds

If you feel the need to leave us special gifts such as your clipped fingernails (toenails too!), soft drink bottles, half-eaten sandwiches or dirty nappies, we will have you paged to come back to the aircraft and retrieve your belongings. The flight attendants are constantly making their way throughout the cabin during your trip while holding large trash bags. This is where your trash goes. Kindly use this service.

Flight attendants from the website SavvyStews, Bobby Laurie and Gailen David. Picture: SavvyStews

6. Focus on time

Not a lot of time! Just like you learned in tip number two, you’re probably not the only person on board. The passengers in the back of the plane are slowly dehydrating as you enlist the flight attendant to become your personal menu by naming every single beverage available on board. Have a realistic choice in mind (chances are you’re not going to find cream soda, Mountain Dew, Cherry Coke, coconut water, or pineapple and guava juice on board).

7. The diet dilemma

If you’re thirsty, think long and hard about ordering a Diet Coke. In the amount of time it takes for the foam to subside after the flight attendants pour a glass you could have drank five bottles of water. The lesson to be learned here is if you want a drink as soon as the flight attendants reach your row and really can’t wait, choose something else.

Coffee, perhaps? Picture: Jeremyfoo

8. Back to bathroom basics

Accessing the lavatory is not as difficult as one may think. It’s typically a door with a knob, you know, just like the kind you have in your home. Turn it. Yes, it is, in fact, that easy. But many passengers can’t seem to figure out how to get in the bathroom. Rubbing both hands on the door, tapping the door and pulling the ashtray doesn’t work. Moreover, flushing it is as easy as pushing the button labelled “flush”. Thanks!

9. See the signs

Before you ask a flight attendant or gate agent: “Which way to baggage claim?” just look up and you’ll be able to follow the directions. Airports are well equipped with signs everywhere that’ll lead you to the destination of your choice.

10. Unity

Ultimately, we’re all in this together. Air travel can be a stressful, cramped, and wallet-emptying experience but in the end we’re all speeding along in the skies in an aluminium tube trying to get from point A to point B safely and without tearing your (or your seatmate’s) hair out.

By following the tips above you’ll be rated as an A+ passenger by your flight attendants and will quickly realise that’s the key to being treated like a rock star.

Read more about the life of flight attendant at SavvyStews.com.