Asking out a flight attendant: Cool or creepy?

IS it ever OK to ask out a flight attendant? One has revealed the best - and worst - ways to be asked out by passengers.

Thinking about asking out a flight attendant? Here's what NOT to do. Picture: T...

IS IT ever OK to ask out a flight attendant?

Sarah Steegar, a cabin crew member with a major US carrier for the past 15 years, reveals all in her column Crewed Talk which she has allowed us to republish ...

I hope you don't mind, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. You know the one where "Ted" fancied a flight attendant from his trip so he looked her up on Facebook? He sent her a message and she hasn't answered. What to do, what to do? How sensitive is a flight attendant's creep-ometer?

I have a story. I once worked a flight to Kansas City, totally uneventful. In my hotel room that evening the operator rang, asking permission to put through a call from a gentleman. That was odd, but I assumed it was a "person of interest" from home. In fact, it was a passenger. I was particularly shocked as I had not shared so much as a meaningful glance with anyone.

You would think I'd be creeped out. I would think so, too! But somehow, with the operator insinuating certain buffers, he pulled it off. I can't remember how he began our conversation (which is too bad because that kind of dating tip would sell for a high price), but he was a well-liked regular on the route with crew friends that had helped him out.

He managed to be non-alarming long enough for me to realise he was a particular, polite charmer whom I had admired on the sly (so I thought) … and voila: the gauge read "flattering" instead of "textbookcreepy".

Note: I do not encourage passengers to cold call unsuspecting flight attendants at their layover hotels. It was a one-in-a-million shot he would get out of stalker territory. It simply demonstrates that creepy - within reason - is in the eye of the beholder.

Back to "Ted," I say we give him a break for not closing the deal in flight. It's not easy with crew. We're standing over you. People are watching. Even we aren't clear on who should make the move.

On the one hand people assume we are besieged with attention. Actually, we're not, but how's poor Ted to know that? Plus, we're at work. It's weird. (Could I come into your office and ask you out in front of clients?) I used to think I should be the assertive one, to sidestep all that. Yet I was always wary of coming off as some kind of "sky floozy". Add a crowd of smirking witnesses and a real-time flight map counting down the minutes … it's pressure fit for a reality game show.

Instead, Ted sent an email though Facebook. I think that's OK. Isn't that kind of the point of the thing? I agree that his message might have landed in her "other" inbox, but if so, a second one would end up there too. So I think Ted's going to have to let this one go. You only get one chance to come off as spontaneous.

For the future, I do have one solid tip for the Flight Attendant Approach. "Would it be inappropriate …" is a great way to broach contacting her/him off of the plane. You never know how cynical a flight attendant might be, but we'd all agree on one point: as with anything on the aeroplane, a little self-awareness goes a long, long way.

Sarah Steegar's regular column, Crewed Talk, can be found every Tuesday on Flytertalk.com. She is happy to answer your airline and travel questions at @FATravelWriter.

Sarah Steegar.