Inside New York's Museum of Sex

TAKE a look inside one of the world's most outrageous places - New York's Sex Museum.

Amusing displays at New York's Museum of Sex / Flickr user nickjohnson

THE slinky-hipped ticket-taker at New York's Museum of Sex is singing along to Alanis Morissette.

“I’ve got one hand in my pocket …”

In pictures: The sex museum

Frankly, he’s probably not the only one. This adults-only display is very saucy. Lesser intellects might say it’s full-on porn. They’d be forgetting this is a museum, so only high-minded people go there. Even if they are saying “phoaw-arr” inside.

The museum is just two rooms, but most people spend hours there. If it were Playboy, they’d say they were doing it for the articles. But come on …

So, room one. Huge illuminated boxes (sorry, puns to burn), the first showing, well, porn. Up really close. The people watching are all sort of ‘hmmm’, and trying to look smart and pretending to read the signage as amplified coitus grunts just inches away.

The other is a bit more interesting. It shows the faces of people in the throes of orgasm. But here’s the thing: the footage is submitted by average punters, who want the world to see what they look like at that most uncontrollable of moments. The general consensus? Pretty ordinary.

On the walls, an exploration of sex in film (an exhibition that’s been in place since 2007). Think back to the 60s. Did your mum ever hang out the washing in the nuddy? She did if one clip is to be believed. There they are, three suburban housewives straight from central casting, starkers. They could be talking knitting patterns or Janome sewing machines. Which is all a bit disconcerting.

A few frames along, the noble, nudie savage raises his umm, head. In later frames, gay skin flicks. There’s a glimpse into home-made porn (hello Paris Hilton), blockbusters like Deep Throat and Debbie Does Dallas and a few less titillating facts and figures about the porn industry’s contribution to technology.

And that’s before you’ve even walked upstairs, to the really kinky stuff.

The Museum of Sex sits right in Mid-town, not far from Broadway. It opened in 2002, and is one of at least four sex museums in the US. Its permanent collection includes 15,000 pieces – photos of flashing, dimpled Victorian coquettes, images of Scandinavian blokes with impossibly large muscles and impossibly small appendages, a machine that approximates a rocking horse, with attachments scaled to suitably equine proportions.

The institution prides itself on “advocating open discourse surrounding sex and sexuality as well as striving to present to the public the best in current scholarship unhindered by self-censorship”, so you expect that pretty much anything goes.

But there are things you just can’t anticipate.

One moment you’re giggling at an instructive teen video that advocates young men with Brylcreemed hair take charge of an awkward date by masterfully ordering tucker for two. The next, you’re deep in the world of robot sex.

Or wondering just how hot it would be inside full-sized, poorly fitted latex body suit that sits saggily in a glass case. Or watching a portly, middle-aged rancher (complete with cowboy hat and big belt buckle) being piggy-backed around by a petite female decked out in a bridle, holding her hands neatly in front of her like hooves. For the uninitiated, it’s called “pony play”.

And who knew getting fat could be a turn-on? It is for force feeders, who get their jollies by making their willing partners eat and eat and eat.

If there’s one problem with the Museum of Sex, it’s that it leaves you wondering. Am I prude if I’ve never bridled up? Why haven’t I thought of inventing a sex toy when I’ve had the mix master out? Would I ever send a contribution to the orgasm box?

And do all blokes with big biceps have small doods?

(Actually that one has an answer. Yes).

Getting there:

The Museum of Sex is located at 233 Fifth Avenue and 27th, New York. Entry is $14.50 for adults, students and seniors $13.50. Open to over-18s only.

In pictures: The sex museum