The eight people you meet in Bali

Are you hanging for a holiday? We have tracked down the most likely people you will meet on your travels to Bali.

One of our favourite playgrounds is finally reopening to Australian visitors.

As Bali welcomes back tourists – and Aussie holiday-makers swarm to return to the island paradise – we give a rundown of the fellow countrymen you will no doubt meet on your travels to Indonesia.

You will see people in these singlets all over Bali. Picture: Escape

1. It’s Bintang Man!

This man is dressing for his destination rather than the city he is leaving from. It could be 10 degrees at Tullamarine, but he’s got a well-worn singlet spruiking the aforementioned beer, Oakley wraparounds on the back of his neck, double-plugger thongs, paper thin boardies and a lavish dousing of Paco Rabanne One Million from the duty-free. Bring on the kulcha!

This person will encourage you to ‘manifest this’ and drink a green juice as soon as you wake up. Picture: Escape

2. The soul seeker

While she may have been ingesting substances of dubious origin from a club toilet seat the weekend before, the minute her plane touches the runway at Gusti Ngurah Rai, she could “namaste” for Australia. It’s all “manifesting” this and “green juice” that. White linen plays a big part in the aligning of her chakras.

Bali is the land of the ‘genuine fake’, with fake designer goods aplenty. Picture: Twitter/kimkardashian

3. The counterfeit king

We are certainly not condoning this, but the reality of Bali means markets filled with fake designer goods that few travellers could actually afford. It makes things awfully tempting.

Women tend to play this better by investing in a single statement piece – like a handbag from a famous French maison. Blokes often show less restraint. Which results in a “Balenciaga” tee teamed with “Gucci” trackpants, “Hilfiger” bucket hat, “Yeezy” sneaks and – obvs – a “Rolex”. Because if Kimmy K can pull it off, why can’t he?

Hagglers are rife in Bali. Picture: Escape

4. The haggler

“You have to go hard mate,” they will bray. “It’s part of the culture.” No it ain’t champ. When you calculate just how much you are paying in dollars, it’s most likely you are getting a bargain to begin with.

Especially from someone whose income has been decimated by Covid’s impact on tourism. It’s embarrassing for everyone within earshot and often demeaning for the merchant – who has to go through this charade multiple times a day. Just pay the asking price and move on.

These visitors will be found visiting Balinese temples and holy caves. Picture: Escape

5. The temple temptress

Bali’s Hindu heritage dots the island in the form of stunning temples and holy caves. But these are places of sanctity and worship, a distinction lost on far too many foreign visitors who show up straight from the beach in the tiniest of shorts or activewear that seems to be devouring their bottoms.

The rules again: no bare shoulders or upper arms and cover those legs. Would you wear that outfit to church? Thought not.

This individual will argue that Kuta was much cheaper and authentic in the 1980s. Picture: Escape

6. The nostalgic bore

We know mate. When you decamped to Kuta in the ’80s, everything was so much cheaper/cleaner/more authentic. And yet here you are. Again.

The holiday does not start until this person gets their hair braided. Picture: Escape

7. The braid bandit

For this Aussie traveller, the holiday doesn’t start until they are on the sand as a dexterous local manipulates their hair into something with more twists and turns than a Netflix true crime series.

Shell decor costs extra and it’s all done quicker than you can say ‘cultural appropriation’.

Zipping around on motorbikes is this person’s idea of a good time. Picture: Escape

8. Moped madness

This is by no means confined to Bali – or visiting Aussies for that matter – but there’s something about being on holidays in the tropics that makes people think mixing motorbikes and mai tais is an excellent idea.

If you ever end up in a Balinese hospital (and we certainly hope you don’t), we can practically guarantee you will see a heavily bandaged Aussie with no skin left on his knees scrolling through the small print of his travel insurance policy.

This article originally appeared in Escape and was reproduced with permission