Pirates of the Whitsundays: The pursuit of Johnny Depp and puppies in paradise

THE Whitsundays are more than a cliched couples’ destination. They’re Johnny Depp’s winter hide-out of choice, and I was determined to find him.

Finding Johnny Depp is a challenge worthy of any landlubber.

I’VE been feeling sore about how Australia has treated Johnny Depp and his puppies.

The humiliating fiasco over Boo and Pistol was enough to make a swashbuckling movie star abandon these golden shores forever. I mean, really. What Hollywood A-lister worth his salt would want to fly his private plane and pedigree pooches into quarantine?

Luckily for us, Johnny’s a magnanimous bloke, and has put his undoubted disdain for this parochial country aside to film the latest in the jaded Pirates of the Caribbean series up in the idyllic Whitsundays.

He’s been pursued by everyone. Nine News sent every presenter it could find to Sydney Harbour to make it up to him, but JD was unimpressed. It seemed it was down to me, as someone who truly appreciates Johnny’s generosity of spirit, to apologise on behalf of the brutes who so cruelly denied his doe-eyed doggies.

News_Image_File: Where’s Johnny?News_Image_File: Sorry, Boo and Pistol.

I caught a plane up to Airlie Beach and started my hunt for the man himself at Mirage Whitsundays, luxury oceanview apartments on sale for a cool few million. Unfortunately, the only Johnny there was indeed a mirage.

My mistake was obvious. Jack Sparrow is no landlubber. Next door’s Coral Sea Resort proved a red herring too — heavy on fresh shellfish and glamorous pool umbrellas, but hardly a seafarers’ hangout.

As I pondered the problem over a salt dog-style salmon lunch at the eclectic Fat Frog Beach Cafe, I spied 10 grey helicopters whizzing by overhead. The entourage?

What would Johnny do, I mused. Something adventurous ... That was it! I took off on a Whitsunday Segway Tour, flying out along the foreshore with the wind in my hair. I felt like a superhero. Controlling this strange machine with gentlest pressure, I finally heed Sheryl Sandberg’s advice and Lean In.

Then I lean back. This wasn’t right. Cool as I looked freestyling by the sewage plant, I wasn’t positive this was Johnny’s scene.

News_Image_File: It’s a shipwreck all right, but not one of Jack Sparrow’s conquests.News_Image_File: Depp seems most likely to appear at Mirage Whitsundays. If you concentrate hard.

I had a better idea. I strapped myself in to an Air Whitsunday seaplane, and soared over the 74 magical islands, trying to spot his piercing eyes from the sky. As I spied the iconic Heart Reef, it felt like a symbol of the warm greeting this mistreated hero should have had here.

There was Funnel Island, where Angelina Jolie filmed Unbroken, while feeding brownies from the market to her kids. There was the famous Whitsunday Island, where Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey filmed Fool’s Gold, probably without having to endure the indignities that have dogged Depp (and dogs).

And there were the conical-roofed house of Beatle George Harrison, the celeb resort on Hayman Island and the hilltop hideaway of Hogsbreath Cafe founder Don Algie. Hogsbreath? We were getting way off track.

Then our pilot offered a clue. The Pirates crew had been flying in palm trees to make one of the islands look more like the Caribbean. But which one? I was feeling a little hysterical now.

News_Image_File: ... And by sea.News_Image_File: Sleuthing by air ...

This called for some more action hero-style transportation. I took an Ocean Dynamics jet ski and sped over the seas inspecting local shipwrecks for evidence of parrots or doubloons.

No luck. Ocean Rafting sounded more appropriate for a castaway, but proved to be a very modern jet boat that zoomed out to the famous Whitehaven Beach.

Here, where the sand is so pure it can scrub jewellery to a shine, and there’s a $20,000 fine for stealing it, we’d surely find our man. No. The buried treasure remained elusive.

A snorkel around the Great Barrier Reef revealed a sparkling selection of pirate booty: manta rays, turtles, leopard sharks, Napoleon Wrasse and migrating whales. Drowned sailors who had been cruelly forced off a plank? Zero.

I needed somewhere more raucous. While most of Airlie Beach is rather chilled, Rum Bar, with its punch cocktails and 150 different bottles, seemed the ideal location for a scallywag like Jack. But it was not to be.

News_Image_File: Wherever he is, he’ll always be captain of our hearts.

I had come a long way on this journey, but I was no captain. As I dined in Hollywood style at Tides restaurant, I mused on whether the film crew might have tried this Moreton Bay bug risotto. A quick inquiry settled it: this was not the work of a ship’s cook, but that of Kevin Rudd’s former chef. I was way off.

None of the nightlife yielded that cannonball moment. Mr Bones was nothing to do with a skull and crossbones, and everything to do with laid-back sharing plates and pizzas. Barcelona was tapas at its finest, but multicultural Depp wasn’t here either.

Ultimately, my search was unsuccessful, but I had a jolly good time looking. I challenge you, fellow Depp-spotter, to take on this cursed adventure on Australia’s high seas.

The reporter travelled courtesy of Tourism and Events Queensland. Find out more at www.queensland.com or www.loveairliebeach.com.au.