Animal communicator Simonne Lee read my cat’s mind and told me what she thinks about our life

AFTER finding out his cat was cheating on him, Matt Dunn called in an “animal communicator” to read her mind and deliver some much needed answers.

SO not only is my cat a treacherous cheat, but she is a goddamn snitch!

You might remember Willow from a story I wrote about using a cat camera to find she had a second home while I was at work.

Her infidelity made national headlines and spawned a rather awkward string of sexual puns from Koshi on Sunrise.

We tried to patch things up, but I still had so many unanswered questions.

Obviously, this meant I called in an animal communicator, because I am a 29-year-old man and this is all very normal behaviour.

I will delve deeper into the specifics later, but first came the moment I discovered my cat was actually a dirty little snitch.

After reading Willow, the animal communicator told me she said she preferred human food over the tinned cat food I give her.

They say snitches get stitches, but as I didn’t want to cut my cat because vet bills are super pricey, I opted for a different method to show her who is boss.

Instead of buying her Whiskers, I purchased her the cheapest generic “loaf” I could find.

OK, I didn’t.

She now eats crispy skinned salmon, with a side of asparagus and I eat the loaf because salmon is expensive.

Well played, Willow.

Myself, Simonne Lee and Willow. The cat’s face says it all.

For the past 15 years, Simonne Lee has been helping people gain a deeper connection and understanding of their pet through a process described as “animal communication”.

Simonne claims she is able to have free flowing conversation with animals by using the five senses simultaneously.

“Simonne is able to exchange feelings, sensations, tastes, smells, thoughts, images and what she calls ‘short movies’ of their experiences,” her website reads.

Despite being generally open-minded to holistic practices, I must admit I was a little dubious when I heard of Simonne’s services — a voice of the animals is where I draw the line.

Regardless, I was willing to be proved wrong in a hope to learn what happens in Willow’s furry little noggin.

Immediately after using her method to communicate with Willow, Simonne gave me an instant translation of my cat’s thoughts.

“Daddy knows what I like, when I like it and how I like it. But he doesn’t always get it right,” she said.

This sounded incredibly sexual and I wondered if Willow was pushing for a relationship that might end up with me being sent to prison for an extended period of time.

Luckily, Simonne expanded on this, explaining Willow understood I was her caretaker.

Next came the snitching about the cat food and snitching about how I could be tidier.

She then told Simonne she wished I was more grounded and shared my emotions with her — rather than keeping things bottled up in my head.

Willow went on to explain the favourite person she had met was girl who had come into my life, although she couldn’t provide a name.

It was less than helpful as there has been more than one girl who has had the pleasure of meeting my fur baby.

Things got much clearer when she hinted at a breakup and since I am emotionally inept at holding down an adult relationship, this narrowed things down substantially.

Wait, maybe Willow was right and I do get too caught up in my own head. Sh*t.

Finally, Simonne used her energy to perform a scan to check Willow for aches and pains.

She said Willow was physically healthy, apart from a small twinge in her back leg that was obtained from climbing trees.

What surprised me the most was how chilled Willow had been throughout the whole session.

She is usually pretty Zen, but Simonne had her so relaxed you would think she had found daddy’s secret stash.

This is how Simonne uses energy to scan Willow to see if she is in physical pain.

When all was said and done, I was left to process the last half-hour of my life.

I found myself at a crossroads, undecided if I believed my cat’s thoughts had been translated or if it was nothing more than baloney.

A lot of what Simonne had told me would have been pretty easy to speculate without having to having to translate Willow’s thoughts.

The two things that sucked me in the most during the course of the reading was her love of human food over cat food and the throwaway comment about the breakup.

However, I had become more sceptical over those two findings once the dust settled.

Was it really too far of a stretch to assume a pet owner gives their animal human food from time to time?

The breakup comment was where I was slightly confused because she mentioned it while talking about my move from Townsville to Sydney — I left a girl to follow my ambitions to be the nation’s best cat correspondent.

I’m not sure if that was a good guess or if she googled me and found my final work as Townsville’s premier dating columnist, but it was impressive regardless.

At the end of the day I’m not entirely convinced Simonne can read the minds of animals, yet there is a part of me that knows there is no solid evidence to suggest she can’t.

I think if someone was searching for answers and Simonne helped them find closure, there is nothing wrong with that and I commend her for assisting those in need.

Saying that, I don’t think I will be rushing out to get another animal communicator in a hurry.

Interestingly enough, some of the ladies in the office were quick to point out the session might have helped me learn more about myself than what the cat thinks.

This opened a whole new rabbit hole and I don’t really know what to think anymore.

Send messages of support to Willow on Twitter @mattydunn11