The worst human on Tinder

SOMETHING happened on the dating app Tinder that extinguished Em Rusciano’s faith in humanity. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this guy?

The worst human on Tinder

SOMETHING has happened on the dating app Tinder that has pretty much extinguished my faith in humanity.

Let me explain Tinder, to at the very least my Mother, who reads my weekly column despite being horrified by it 99% of the time.

Tinder (or as I like to call it GPS for your vagina/wang — soz Mum) is an app that allows you to access the Facebook photos of horny people in a geographically convenient location to you. After viewing the carefully chosen profile photos of your potential hook up, assessing if you can see their *inner goodness (*read: face/boobs/abs/arse) through the 18 filters they have most probably applied to their profile shot, you can either swipe left for no thanks. Or swipe right for YE-HAW I’m totally into you. If they also swiped right on your photo, you can arrange a rendezvous and get to doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Love in 2015.

Who says romance is dead?! WHO?!

Tinder is also supposed to preserve your dignity. The object of your enthusiastic swiping only finds out you have done so if they too have swiped right on you. Thus cutting out the potential for humiliation and soul destroying rejection.

Unless of course this happens.

Meet *Thorn (not his real name, I’m a huge Bold and the Beautiful fan circa 1992) Thorn was doing some Tindering one night, got a little over zealous and accidentally swiped right on a woman that wasn’t his type. The lady, let’s call her Gabi (because that’s her name) also swiped right not knowing Thorn’s thumbs up was by accident. When Thorn was alerted to Gabi and her keenness, it upset him. In fact, he was down right offended, so much so he sent her this private message.

Thorn*

You’re telling me Keanu.

Gabi was rightly upset, I don’t know about you but I must say his carefully chosen words pretty much summed up the worst things I’ve thought about myself in my darkest moments. Hey lady I’ve never met, you’re overweight, unattractive and not worthily of love. LOLZ, SOZ, bye.

Thorn didn’t bank on Gabi wanting to stand up for herself, he must have forgotten that his face and name were attached to these nasty words. Gabi sure didn’t, she took a screen shot of the exchange, shared it on her Facebook page and well, here we are.

Obviously, I have a whole bunch of questions for Thorn.

1. Thorn, a big part of the appeal of Tinder is that you can effortlessly ignore anyone who doesn’t take your fancy. Why did you feel the need to go out of your way to reject her?

2. Why was your reaction so visceral? Why did it evoke the need in you to obliterate another human’s self esteem?

3. Have you ever known insecurity?

4. Have you ever been hurt by criticism?

5. Do you possess any empathy whatsoever?

6. What did you imagine the effect of your words would be once Gabi had read them? Did you think about her being excited to see that she had a message from a man who’d described himself as “honest, direct, intelligent, respectful (!) and open.” Then she opened it, not to find an invitation to dinner or a request for her number but instead some ugly, hurtful, bile that was completely unnecessary and cruel for the sake of being cruel. Did you think about that moment at all? I bet it took her breath away, in the worst way possible.

7. Did it make you uncomfortable that a woman who isn’t the size 8 (which you claim everyone wants) dared to have any confidence? Had the audacity to even look at your perfect face and think that you could ever want her? Is that what made you angry mate? Do you feel women who aren’t petite should hide away in shame somewhere, is that it?

Literally all Gabi did was display an interest in Thorn, isn’t that flattering?! Isn’t that an ego boost, a good thing, something to enjoy? What on earth happened to Thorn, to make him want to rain pain on a person who has essentially paid him a huge compliment?

Dude I have your photo and real name which I have chosen not to publish because first; I just want to talk. I need to hear from you or someone who knows you so I can fully understand what has happened here.

Something about your message fragmented my soul into a teeny, tiny, brittle, frozen pieces. I NEED to know there is more to this story. There must be! Maybe this is a fake profile? Did one of your mates hijacked it as a joke? Did you hit your head at the gym on the bench press?

Talk to me Thorn.

Perhaps there isn’t, perhaps you are a legit dick head devoid of human emotion. Perhaps we have all, over time and apps, got so casually cruel that this situation is nothing.

I eagerly await your response Thorn.

Em.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.