The Facebook response buttons we REALLY need

FACEBOOK is about to introduce new buttons in addition to ‘like’. But forget those mainstream emojis, Jo Thornely knows the buttons we really need.

New ‘like’ buttons we’ve been waiting for

FACEBOOK is about to introduce a broader spectrum of emoji responses to posts that extend the simple ‘like’ to sentiments such as ‘wow’, ‘haha’, ‘angry’, ‘sad’, and ‘love’.

You’ll soon be able to express more to your friends, family, workmates and school acquaintances you haven’t been able to ditch yet than ever before!

It’s great, because typing words of up to four or five letters on posts has really cutting into your supporting-charities-by-using-a-hashtag time up until now.

But will those new emojis really be enough? According to reports, a potential new emoji for ‘yay’ has already been scrapped, leaving many people with surplus yays no forum in which to yay.

There’s so much that really needs to be said on Facebook, and sometimes, emotionally, I’m stuck somewhere between a haha and a wow, with nought but the pesky and fickle English language to express it.

To that end, I propose seven additional new emojis to help us say what we truly want to say on other people’s social media posts:

Enough already. Picture: Jo Thornely

1. THIS IS THE 40TH PHOTO OF YOUR KID THAT YOU’VE POSTED THIS WEEK

It’s your page. You can post what you like. And you really, really like people to know what your child is doing. We remember when you used to do shots off the pool table at the pub near uni, so allow us time to adjust to little Gracie’s burgeoning career as a toilet-user.

Yeah, I didn’t really lol. Picture: Jo Thornely

2. I AM TYPING ‘HAHA’ BUT MY FACIAL EXPRESSION HAS NOT CHANGED

I can see you think you’re being funny. I want you to know that I acknowledge your intention to elicit a laugh. But I have, at best, breathed marginally harder out of my nose than usual. It’s funny. Ish. I guess.

Horsie. Picture: Jo Thornely

3. UGH, INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

I too have climbed a mountain. I too have crossed a stream. I too shall not rest until I reach my dream of never reading another one of your cut-and-paste inspirational quotes superimposed over a picture of an unsaddled beach horse at daybreak.

Congratulations on eating food! Picture: Jo Thornely

4. YOU SEEM PROUD OF THIS MEAL AND/OR SMOOTHIE

You shopped! You cooked! You blended! From scratch! You are industrious! You are healthy! You 100 per cent deserve to participate in the practice of digestion, yet should not be encouraged to open your own restaurant! Carry on, see you again at dinner time.

Need a tissue? Picture: Jo Thornely

5. ARE YOU OK?

You’ve posted a vague, non-specific status update. You seem upset. You seem to want people to ask you questions about it, yet you will not just come out and say what the problem is. I do not want to ask you questions about it. Here, have an emoji.

Nice bangs. Picture: Jo Thornely

6. YOUR NEW HAIRCUT IS ACKNOWLEDGED

Your stylist has impressive skills, and you now have 15 dud selfies on your camera roll that will never see the light of day.

You chose the right one. Off you go and enjoy it until you have to wash and style it yourself.

Too long; didn’t read. Picture: Jo Thornely

7. I TOTALLY CLICKED ON THAT LINK AND READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE AND AM ALSO FEELING THINGS, HONEST

I support you. I know YOU read the whole article. However it made you feel, I probably feel that way. I definitely read the headline. The first four words in the headline. Look, I glanced at the picture, OK? Let’s hug.

I’m working on additional emojis for ‘WOW you got old since school’, ‘It appears you’re on a beach holiday’ and ‘Someone wrote a status on your behalf when you forgot to lock your computer’. At this rate we’ll never have to use words again.

Yay.