Ash Barty reveals the tennis crisis that changed everything, in first extract from her memoir

Ash Barty has revealed the behind the scenes moment she turned on her team and cried herself to sleep. This was rock bottom.

Tennis ace Ash Barty has opened up about an on-court meltdown at Wimbledon that left her “embarrassed and ashamed” but which ultimately helped her return to glory at the legendary tournament.

Barty, who shocked the sporting world when she announced her retirement at the height of her powers earlier this year, has revealed she was dealing with a crisis of confidence in 2018 when she crashed out in a duel for the fourth round against Daria Kasatkina.

In an extract from her memoir My Dream Time, published today in the Sunday Mail and other News Corp Australia mastheads she writes: “This crisis has been brewing for months, remaining largely invisible to everyone but those in my inner sanctum, but now it spills over in the very public spotlight of the British grass-court season.

Crisis spills over … Ash Barty struggling in that 2018 match against Daria Kasatkina. Credit: Clive Mason/Getty Images.

“The issue is that my good is great, but my bad is horrible. When I’m winning, I look like a million bucks but when my tactics aren’t working, I lack the maturity to solve my own problems.

“I’m a 22-year-old highly trained professional athlete, but in this moment I decide on a public tantrum”.

Barty frankly acknowledges that she lashed out at her team in the box, in particular her coach Craig Tyzzer, then afterwards felt disgusted, “not just (at) losing the match and losing my shit, but losing my dignity too. I shun my closest supporters and cry myself to sleep that night, embarrassed and ashamed.”

Citing a Native American proverb, she writes that it felt like there were two wolves fighting to control her mind – a good one and an evil one – and that on that fateful day she let herself “feed the wrong wolf”.

Top team … Ash Barty with coach Craig Tyzze following her 2021 Wimbledon final victory, three years after they put the on-court meltdown behind them and returned stronger than ever.

However it was that outburst – one in a series of emotionally distraught slumps – that led Barty to seek out mindset coach Ben Crowe, known for his work with a number of elite athletes.

With Crowe added to her tight-knot team, Barty returned to win Wimbledon in 2021, then the Australian Open. The extract covers that incredible winning match in London, with Barty revealing first how she knew she had an advantage over Karolina Pliskova, then trying to describe her feelings as the victory is suddenly hers.

“The spectators rise with an almighty roar. That sound rushes through me. ‘Is this happening?’ I think. ‘Can this be real?’”

The extract also gives a personal insight into Bart’s unique childhood: how she traded school for distance learning (“I didn’t attend one day of school in my senior year. I didn’t go to my graduation. Or to my formal”) and how her parents struggled to plough $65,000 a year into her tennis.

Sacrifice and support … Ash Barty with her parents Robert and Josie. Credit: Nic Morley

And it covers the time of Barty’s extraordinary retirement announcement, just weeks after she won the Australian Open, revealing how she felt inside.

“Just like that, my career is over. I’d like to tell you I feel stunned or shocked, but I feel good. Great, even. All day long there’s a kind of pulsing wave rushing through me, not of excitement or fear or adrenaline or even relief – just the sense that something important and right and true is happening. Something is starting and something is finishing. It’s done. I’m done.”

Read the full extract here.

My Dream Time: A Memoir Of Tennis & Teamwork by Ash Barty will be published by HarperCollins on November 2 and is available to pre-order now. Barty is touring Australia from next week – dates and venues here.

More than just a tennis story … My Dream Time by Ash Barty.