In defence of James Faulkner: ‘I feel sorry for him’

James Faulkner wasn’t thinking when he joked about having a “boyfriend” on Instagram. Here’s why we shouldn’t be baying for his blood.

Cricketer James Faulkner admits his 'boyfriend' post was 'misinterpreted'.

OPINION

The internet is demanding a young cricketer’s head on a stick over a several-word photo caption — and I’m not even surprised anymore.

The perpetually outraged on social media, who 24 hours ago wouldn’t have even known who James Faulkner is, are now baying for his blood.

His crime? Sharing a picture to Instagram of himself out to dinner for his birthday with his mother and his best mate, the latter of whom he described as “the boyfriend”.

He should apparently be hanged, drawn and quartered for this so-called vicious attack on LGBT people — for his lack of sensitivity and the damage caused.

For his “puerile locker room” behaviour and turning gay people into a punchline.

Birthday dinner with the boyfriend @robjubb and my mother roslyn_carol_faulkner ❤️❤️❤️ #togetherfor5years https://t.co/n9hJYTepX0

— James Faulkner (@JamesFaulkner44) April 29, 2019

Early on in my career, when my sense of justice and fairness saw me explode at any and every perceived wrongdoing, an editor gave me some sage advice.

Pick your battles.

His view was that if you go to war over every single thing, you’re unlikely to win too often and you’ll quickly tire yourself out for the fights that really matter.

And so, I ask — is this a battle, over an Instagram caption, that we really want to die on a hill for?

I don’t even know what Faulkner was trying to do. I doubt the internet does. Perhaps it was just a silly quip that he didn’t think much about. Maybe he just has a lot of love for his best mate.

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Who knows? And who really cares?

The response has been so disproportionate to the apparent crime that it’s beyond ridiculous, and all the LGBT community has really done is alienate and disengage people.

No wonder marriage equality took so long to achieve in Australia when this is the sort of stuff we choose to froth at the mouth over. We want and need allies. This is not how you win or keep them.

Did Faulkner “make a mockery” of the struggles of gay people, as one former footballer turned political candidate described? Is it a “dangerous” thing to do, as an academic suggested?

I mean… really?

Gay, lesbian and bisexual youth are six times more likely to attempt suicide in Australian than their heterosexual peers.

I was one of them. I did attempt. My life was a constant living hell. But it wasn’t because of a pretty innocent-looking caption from a straight bloke comfortable enough to refer to his mate as his boyfriend, even jokingly.

I kind of wonder if that sort of attitude might’ve helped actually.

Many kids face marginalisation, discrimination, violence, mentally traumatic bullying and a lack of adequate support from peers, teachers and other adults.

James Faulkner is copping something he doesn’t deserve. Picture: Rick Rycroft/AP

You want to put that on the same par as some guy’s off-the-cuff remark?

One of my girlfriends — trigger warning, for those who need it — refers to me as her gay husband. I worked with a woman who I routinely called my “work wife”.

Is my friend being offensive to heterosexual marriages or to gay people who aren’t married? Am I being disrespectful to workplace norms or my husband?

Faulkner did something without thinking. I doubt there was any malice in it. I don’t see how it’s homophobic.

Should he be crucified in the online court of furious public opinion? If the answer is yes, then I just feel really sorry.

I feel sorry for Faulkner for copping something he doesn’t deserve — such a brutal and irrational over-reaction. Having been on the receiving end of Twitter fury myself, I know the turmoil he must be feeling.

I’m sorry for the kids who are struggling, facing serious and genuine issues, for the fact that we’re focusing on this and not more important things that benefit them.

I’m sorry that our first instinct now — all of us, really — is to pick up our digital pitchforks and form a mob when slighted, instead of rationally explaining why we feel the way we do.

And I’m sorry to Australians not part of the LGBT community or especially engaged with it, looking at this nonsense and wondering what the hell is going on.

I’m especially sad if it makes you want to put the very real important issues worth talking about, worth fighting for, at arm’s length.

I kind of don’t blame you.