Poor Poms. How it’s all gone wrong for England football and cricket teams

OH, TO be English right now. Football team is useless. Cricket team sucks. Even the weather is worse than ours, and we’re in the midst of a megablizzard.

SAO PAULO, BRAZIL - JUNE 19: An England fan poses with a Queen Elizabeth II costume during the 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil Group D match between Uruguay and England at Arena de Sao Paulo on June 19, 2014 in Sao Paulo, Brazil. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

OH, TO be English right now. Football team is useless. Cricket team sucks.

Even the weather is worse than ours, and we’re in the midst of a megablizzard.

It all started with the overhyped World Cup squad, which is headed home from Brazil after crashing out at the first hurdle, having finished bottom of group D.

Cue the counter argument that Australia, too, has had its World Cup run cut short — but the key difference is we don’t live for football. They most certainly do.

The Socceroos also performed better, sending scares through the Netherlands and Chile.

England couldn’t beat Costa Rica.

England's Wayne Rooney covers his face with his shirt after his team crashes out of the World Cup.

Yesterday, things got even worse for England fans as Sri Lanka defeated the Poms by 100 runs in the second Test at Headingley to secure its first ever series win in the Old Dart, 1-0.

England quick James Anderson was reduced to tears.

Alastair Cook had to hit back at suggestions his reign as England captain was coming to an end.

The UK press didn’t go to town on the cricket team, praising Anderson in particular for a gutsy knock that carried England to within two balls of a draw.

The football team was not so lucky as to escape the wrath.

England paceman James Anderson dries his eyes after the Test series lost to Sri Lanka.

Leading football writer Henry Winter, in an article in the Telegraph, praised England fans for sticking by a national team that has “let them down so consistently”.

“This current World Cup is a tournament that will long be associated with one of the worst contributions by England,” Winter wrote.

“Yet the fans chanted their backing for the players and for (manager Roy) Hodgson. Some even waved placards expressing their support for the manager.

“It was an astonishing ovation for such serial underperformers. The fans’ loyalty is clearly unconditional.”

Just to rub it in, the temps for the next four days in the peak of the England summer are expected to be 21, 22, 21 (rain) and 20 (rain).

In Sydney, in the depths of winter, it’s 20, 21, 21, 22. All sunny.

Oh, and we’ve also got the Ashes.

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God save England.