The worst excuses of drug cheats: From too much sex to blaming your mother

I HAD too much sex, it was my mum’s fault, I kissed a girl, I have an unborn twin inside me ... these are the worst excuses of all time for failing a doping test.

I HAD too much sex, it was my mum’s fault, I kissed a girl, I have an unborn twin inside me ... these are the worst excuses of all time for failing a doping test.

Dennis Mitchell

US sprinter Dennis Mitchell.

The drug: Testosterone

His excuse: ‘I had too much sex with my wife.’

He said he was getting intimate with his wife more than usual because it was her birthday.

Result: Banned by IAAF for two years

Richard Gasquet

France's player Richard Gasquet is not the first tennis player to succumb to ‘white line fever’.

The drug: cocaine

His excuse: ‘I kissed a girl in a nightclub and it went into my system’. Frenchman says a girl called Pamela that he met in a Miami nightclub must have passed it on.

Result: A 2 and a half month ban due to the minute amount found in his urine … but a stern warning that another positive test is a life ban

Shane Warne

Apparently Shane Warne’s ‘mum did it’.

The drug: Diuretic

His excuse: His mum’s fault. She gave it to him because he was overweight.

Result? Stood down from taking part in the 2003 Cricket World Cup as part of a 12 month suspension.

LaShawn Merritt

Athlete LaShawn Merritt wanted to go faster and be bigger.

The drug: Dehydroepiandrosterone and Pregnenolone

His excuse: Not reading the ingredient to his penis enlargement medication. “[It was a] foolish, immature and egotistical mistake ... any penalty I may receive for my action will not overshadow the embarrassment and humiliation I feel,” he said at the time

Result: Banned for two years which was subsequently reduced to 21 months.

Petr Korda

Petr Korda loves a schnitty.

The drug: Nandralone (steroids)

His excuse: I just like veal too much … only problem was that level of the drug would have meant he’d eaten 40 calves a day for 20 years.

Result: Korda received a 12 month ban

Tyler Hamilton

Cyclist Tyler Hamilton raised chimerism as a defence.

The drug: Hamilton was found to have a ‘foreign blood population’ a common sign of blood doping

His excuse: An unborn twin lives inside me. He said foreign cells were found in his system because he might be a Chimera — an organism with two or more populations of genetically distinct cells, produced by a twin brother who died before birth.

Result: Hamilton received a two-year ban

Gai Waterhouse horse ‘ Love You Honey’

Gai Waterhouse paid the price for her staff visiting ‘a known drug den’. Picture Jay Town.

The drug: Cocaine

The excuse: Waterhouse pleaded guilty to the charge, however she told stewards the Regent Hotel, close to her Randwick stables, was “a known drug den” and that employee Roy Storch may have come into contact with the drug there (he denied using it besides two previous occasions he had admitted to).

The result: Gai Waterhouse was fined $15,000

Daniel Plaza

Daniel Plaza clearly believes in the saying ‘A happy wife — a happy life’.

The drug: Nandrolone

His excuse: Too much oral sex with my pregnant wife caused the race walker to absorb the steroid, which pregnant women may produce naturally.

The result? A two-year ban but he was then exonerated in July 2006

Justin Gatlin

Justin Gatlin was banned in 2001 and 2006.

The drug: Testosterone

His excuse: My masseuse rubbed it into my buttocks without my knowing.

The result? An eight-year ban reduced to four years on appeal.

Javier Sotomayor

Javier Sotomayor was the victim of the CIA ... maybe.

The drug: Cocaine

His excuse: He claimed sabotage by either the CIA or the anti-Castro mafia. “I know that every time there is a doping case, everyone generally says they are innocent,” he said. “But in my case I really am innocent”. This was followed by Fidel Castro, the Cuban leader going on national television to launch an impassioned defence and among his claims was that the CIA had spiked Sotomayor’s sample.

The result? A two-year ban — this was later shortened to one year allowing him to compete at the Sydney Olympics.

Originally published as The worst excuses of drug cheats: From too much sex to blaming your mother