Thorpe’s devastating private life revelation

Ian Thorpe has for the first time revealed a devastating truth about his private life and the one moment that rocked him to his core.

Ian Thorpe was rocked to his core during a drug test nightmare that briefly clouded his status as one of Australia’s greatest Olympians.

The swimming legend has come forward to share details of the devastating impact the storm had on him — as one of several revelations surrounding his private life.

The 41-year-old singles out the drug test chapter as one of the darkest moments of his career in a new book Profiles In Hope, written by former NSW Liberal leader John Brogden.

The frenzied reaction to Thorpe’s irregular test result in 2006 was so crushing for the five-time gold medallist that he did not want to leave his home and says now he had thoughts about taking his own life and staging it as an accident.

Thorpe was stunned to wake up one morning to be told French newspaper L’Equipe had reported that he had returned an unusual level of testosterone during a standard anti-doping test in Australia.

The results also showed a hormone called leutenising hormone — another naturally occurring substance.

The irregular test result had been leaked to the news outlet and it quickly became an international incident which ultimately ended with Thorpe launching a lawsuit against the newspaper.

“An irregular test isn’t uncommon. They happen. So firstly, no one should know that information to begin with,” Thorpe says in the book, per the Daily Mail.

Ian Thorpe swimming in 2012. AAP Image/Ben Macmahon.

“An irregular test means nothing. An irregular test gets thrown out.”

He said at the time the speculation that he was a cheat was “so upsetting” and the way the information was leaked to French journalist made him feel “deeply alarmed”.

The “Thorpedo” now has the tools in place for his mental health to look back and think he could have handled it better.

“In that kind of state, you’re entirely irrational, your logic is warped,” he tells Brogden.

“It’s only in the periods when you have clarity of mind, when your mental health is good, that you can actually reflect on things and say, ‘Well, I could have done this’.

“I realised what I was doing wasn’t working, and that I needed help. So I got that help, and even though I was still in a long-term depressive state, I got better. I wasn’t at the point of suicide.”

‘F*** it’: Thorpe’s sexuality journey

Former Olympic gold medallist Ian Thorpe. AAP Image/Mick Tsikas.

Thorpe recently reflected on his personal growth when marking ten years since his decision to tell the world he is gay.

He told News Corp he is grateful for his actions at the time because today he is happier and more comfortable with himself than he ever has been.

He has come a long way.

Even before his Sydney 2000 Olympics heroics, Thorpe was on the world stage as one of Australia’s biggest sporting stars ahead of a home Games.

At the age of 16, Thorpe was asked bluntly by a reporter “Are you gay?”

He responded: “Well you know me”.

He now says in the book he tried to “withdraw” from the situation — which ultimately made it even more difficult to make his sexuality public.

“I was like, “No, no, f*** it,” he said.

“I’m not going to give this up to someone who has made my life a living hell. Who has poked and prodded me into this. I’m not rewarding this behaviour.

“And so, the more I was pushed on it, the further I withdrew from it ... Learning to come to terms with my sexuality became even more difficult than it would have been otherwise.”

Cody Simpson with Ian Thorpe during the Aussie swimming championships on the Gold Coast. Picture: AAP Image/Dave Hunt.

After struggling with physical injuries, which included a debilitating shoulder issue, Thorpe in 2014 found he was struggling to cope mentally and made a decision to tell his friends and family about his sexuality.

It was with a scheduled interview with UK talk show legend Michael Parkinson that Thorpe announced it to the world.

“I spent a few days with Parky and his family before doing that interview in the UK,” Thorpe said.

“We went to the cricket, had family dinners at the pub just down the road. It was good. He got to know me a little bit.

“Two days before the interview, I said to him, ‘You should ask me if I’m gay, because I’m going to tell you that I am’.”

He hasn’t looked back.

Profiles In Hope by John Brogden includes in-depth interviews with 14 other high-profile Australians.