The Sydney Roosters are like Bitcoin; overhyped and unreliable

One NRL team is quickly becoming the most overhyped in the game - and the club’s latest desperate moves have fallen completely flat.

NRL 2022 RD16 PENRITH PANTHERS V SYDNEY ROOSTERS - NATHAN CLEARY

OPINION

Watching the Roosters churn out lethargic mouth-breathing football is as mystifying as their unshakeable position on the second line of premiership betting.

The Bondi club is enduring another trademark slow start in 2023, with coach Trent Robinson timing his side again to peak in time for the 2025 finals.

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But despite playing like a bunch of fellas having their first training session 10 seconds after Mad Monday, the Bondi club is still frequently mentioned in title discussions.

With a forward pack dripping with rep experience and a backline valued at the GDP of a small Pacific nation, everyone agrees the Roosters should’ve pocketed at least three premierships this season already.

But considering they barely scraped in to eighth position last year and have struggled against the competition’s upper-crust for years, it’s starting to appear like the Roosters have all the gear and no idea.

With this all-star outfit struggling to pierce a custard skin let alone an NRL defensive line, it’s hugely fortunate their next game is only against the Dragons.

But will the prestige of their traditional Anzac Day fixture be enough to spark the real Roosters to stand up? Even then, what are the ‘real Roosters’ anymore?

As reliable as Bitcoin. (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)

Based on trends and market appraisals, the 2023 Tri-Colours are the Bitcoin of rugby league, an overhyped currency with its best days gone that now only appeals to lazy investors who still forecast “big things” for Todd Carney and the Dot.com boom.

Scratch below the surface of the club’s recent record – they’ve triumphed only once over the evil Penrith/Souths/Melbourne triumvirate in their last 13 contests – and it confirms this Roosters side isn’t a sound investment, it’s a Ponzi scheme.

A desperate Robinson has responded by swinging the axe in an attempt to spark his hibernating backline, dumping rookie halfback Sam Walker in a move that effectively blames the sins of 16 millionaires on someone who only got his P’s last month.

This has already lead to whispers of unrest in the Walker camp, with Sam and fam reportedly unhappy with the direction provided by straight-laced halves coach Cooper Cronk.

Apparently Sam’s magic handles are hogtied inside the Cronk matrix, despite assertions he’s got free licence to do whatever he wants in the game plan provided it’s strictly confined to co-ordinate X4 in Quadrant 3.

Things aren’t great. (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)

While the prospect of a standoff between club and halfback is good news for the Walker Brothers – they finally get their opportunity to run an NRL club – it’s another off-field drama that Robinson doesn’t need.

The three-time premiership winning mentor needs to unlock an attack too reliant on James Tedesco, Joey Manu and Brandon Smith, with time quickly expiring on finding a way to get the scoreboard ticking with nothing else but a supporting cast of unbelievable superstars.

His predicament hasn’t been helped with selection dramas – some self-inflicted – with Victor Radley barely on the paddock and his persistence with Drew Hutchison, who with all due respect must have won a Dally M we don’t know about.

It’s a problem a chequebook champion club like the Roosters would usually buy their way out of, but if recent purchases like Dylan Napa and Nathan Brown are anything to go by, maybe the move to a cashless society is starting to pinch.