Meet Ilya Bryzgalov, Russia’s answer to Nick ‘The Honey Badger’ Cummins

YOU know about Nick Cummins, dubbed the world’s most Australian man. Now let us introduce you to the world’s most interesting goalie.

Ilya Bryzgalov, the world’s most interesting hockey player.

YOU know about Nick Cummins, the rugby star dubbed the world’s most Australian man.

Now let us introduce you to Ilya Bryzgalov, the world’s most interesting hockey player.

The two are very different in their style.

For starters, Bryzgalov (pronounced Brizz-gah-lov) is Russian and the accent really is crucial in his delivery.

Secondly, Bryzgalov has an enormous vocal range and - as you will see in the video below - uses it to great advantage.

And thirdly, Bryzgalov is at his funniest when he’s not trying to be - when he is just explaining his views on life, ripping into journalists (which he does a lot) or describing his own bad form.

The Honey Badger’s strength is his material, no doubt. And nothing better than his explanation as to how he earned the nickname.

“One of the stories that inspires me is that it is documented that a honey badger killed a lion in a one-on-one,” Cummins’ famous story goes.

“What happened was that he clawed the canastas off the big fella. He just went one-two on the ball bag, and the big fella has walked around the corner and fell over ... That, to me, is outstanding.”

MORE: Language lessons with the Honey Badger

MORE: Translating the world’s most Australian man

Bryzgalov’s material is pretty darn impressive as well. And here is the best of it.

ILYA BRYZGALOV ON ...

... THE UNIVERSE

“I don’t know, right now I’m very into the universe – like how it was created. What is it, you know? The solar system is so humongous big, right, but if you see our solar system and our galaxy on the side it’s so small you can’t even see it.

“Our galaxy is like huge but if you see the big picture our galaxy is like small, tiny, like a dot in the universe.

“And you think we have some problems here on the earth that we worry about compared to like (looks to the skies). Nothing. Be happy. Don’t worry, be happy right now.”

... FEAR

“I’m not afraid of anything – except bears. But bears in the forest.”

... BEING A GOALIE

“Yeah, I love it. I love it. Sometimes hate it. Depends. Like a few weeks ago (my teammates) hit me, they broke my chest protector in practice. And the guys continued to hit me in the same spot. And it’s like, ‘Why? Why is it so painful?’ Man, I don’t want to be goalie anymore. Can I sit in the office and accept some calls. It’s like, ‘Yeah, what? Let me transfer you to a different department.’”

Ilya Bryzgalov makes a save for the Minnesota Wild.

... JOURNALISTS

“You guys are just here to blame someone. You never look yourself in the mirror, huh? You’re always good. Never make the mistakes. Your articles are always perfect. But in reality, what have you done for this city? If you ask yourself, what have you done? Ask yourself that question.

... FALSE RUMOURS

You know, guys. I’ll be honest. I don’t know where you get this information but, be honest, do you read yourself what you’re writing? That’s embarrassing. You’ve got to, I don’t know, prove your sources. That was never happening. You became like not professional journalists. It’s embarrassing guys, seriously. You’ve got to do your job better.

... HIS OWN BAD FORM

“You know I have zero confidence in myself right now. You could probably throw the ball instead of the puck, I’m not gonna stop it. I’m terrible. I want to apologise in front of the fans, in front of my teammates. I can’t stop the puck, it’s very simple. You can’t ask more from the forwards. They score eight goals and we’re still losing. It’s obviously terrible goalies. I’m lost in the woods right now.”

... BEING TRADED

I think the most difficult part right now is to pack my old stuff, return my rental car and try to reach the owner of the apartment to hand him the keys, you know.

Bryzgalov sometimes hates being a goalie.

... BLONDES AND HUSKIES

“You have imagination, right? You know the breed Husky? Siberian Husky… she’s all white, beautiful blue eyes. It’s basically a blonde girl with blue eyes. My husky basically she’s a hot girl, man.”

... CRITICISM OF HIS TEAMMATE LEAVING EDMONTON

“It’s hockey. It’s only a game. Why you have to be mad? He’s a good guy. He maybe try to leave here because the November month is -32F. Could you imagine? Here is like the North Pole.”

... JOINING THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

“When I signed here, the people said, ‘You know where you’re going? You’re going to hell. They go hard on goalies.’”

... CRAZY DEFENCEMEN

“OK, they fire the puck from the blue line. Chief usually yelling, ‘Block the shot!’ at the defencemen. They doesn’t have the goalie gear, but they have to block the shot. So who is more crazy: me or the defencemen? Who is more weird?”

Who’s the funniest sportsperson you know? Tweet @cam_tomarchio