Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho is an evil genius

THIS guy looks like a bit of a nutter, and he was once arrogant enough to get himself labelled “The Special One”. But Jose Mourinho is actually an absolute genius.

CHELSEA travelled to Anfield as an impossibly distant outsider on Sunday.

Liverpool’s long-suffering fans were there to witness a coronation. Their team had soared to the top of the Premier League on the back of 11 consecutive wins, including easy victories over Arsenal, Everton, Spurs and both Manchester clubs.

One more. That’s all they needed. One more win to all but seal Liverpool’s first title in 24 years.

Has Steven Gerrard, of all people, cost Liverpool the title?

Then Chelsea ruined everything. Adopting an ugly, defensive game plan, the Blues allowed Liverpool to have an absurdly high 73 per cent of possession, but managed to keep the league’s best attacking team scoreless. They won 2-0, ending the home side’s title favouritism in the process.

The man behind Chelsea’s insane strategy was Jose Mourinho, the club’s equally insane Portuguese manager. Mourinho is, quite obviously, an evil genius.

The “Special One”, as he was once labelled, has floated casually from team to team over the last decade, irritating practically everyone with his pig-headed narcissism and winning a swag of trophies.

Warning. Evil genius at work.

Mourinho honestly believes he is God’s gift to locker room whiteboards. When he first arrived at Chelsea in 2004, he made that pretty clear.

“If I wanted to have an easy job I would have stayed at Porto,” he said. “Beautiful blue chair, the UEFA Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.

“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.”

That attitude has infuriated Mourinho’s rivals ever since, but they can’t prove it’s misguided, because his teams always win the matches that matter. Always.

This season, for example, Chelsea has beaten title rivals Liverpool and Manchester City twice apiece.

The Special One prepares to produce another trophy.

Mourinho’s broader record is just as mind-bogglingly impressive. In his last ten seasons, at four different clubs (Chelsea, Porto, Real Madrid and Inter), the man won seven league titles, eight domestic cups and three European cups.

To put that in perspective for any other shameless stat geeks in the room, Sir Alex Ferguson “only” claimed five league titles, four domestic cups and one Champions League trophy in the same period.

How did such an egotistical, thoroughly unlikeable man become so successful?

His innovative tactics include, but are not limited to, stealing the ball when nobody’s looking.

For a start, the oppressive weight of Mourinho’s self-regard seems to keep his players’ egos in check. Anyone who has (kind of) successfully handled tantrum-prone players like Didier Drogba clearly has a talent for people-management.

Also, he doesn’t seem to give a damn about the opinions of anyone whose name isn’t Jose Mourinho. That means he has no problem boring the masses half to death by telling his players to stonewall the opposition for 90 minutes.

Jose worries that he may be growing too humble in his old age.

Most importantly, Mourinho sees the world in interesting and unique ways. Here he is comparing his players to melons.

“Young players are a bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good. Sometimes you have beautiful melons, but they don’t taste very good, and some other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them, the taste is fantastic.”

Only an evil genius would think in the form of semi-cogent melon metaphors. We rest our case.

P.S. In case you were wondering, he’s evil because he works for Chelsea, which is easily the most evil club in west London. Go the Gunners.