The Ashes 2015: news, views and nonsense ahead of Australia’s defence of the little urn

ALL the news, views and nonsense ahead of the series - including KP’s Ashes diary, the UK view and The Ashes explained via badly drawn venn diagrams.

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 24: Ben Stokes of England celebrates scoring his century during day four of 1st Investec Test match between England and New Zealand at Lord's Cricket Ground on May 24, 2015 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Copley/Getty Images)

All the Ashes info you’ll need (and some you probably don’t) ...

... as the English find a new Ian Botham, Fawad Ahmed finds time, Ricky Ponting finds his way on to the England short-list and Piers Morgan finds he’s wrong, but doesn’t realise it.

WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED

England go all hipster and draft in a Kiwi

As English cricket was tearing itself apart over whether or not to forgive Kevin Pietersen his former sins, one of the main arguments from the pro-KP camp was that, regardless of him being something of a tool, he was England’s only genuine match winner, the only batsman available capable of taking the game to the opposition and getting the crowd on their feet. Step forward Ben Stokes: Saviour of English cricket (and, possibly, the Ashes).

England’s Ben Stokes holds up his bat to the crowd after his huge knock

Stokes’ 85-ball second innings ton (following on from a breezy 92 earlier in the match) was the fastest in Test history at Lord’s. In a two-over period, Stokes ignored three fielders on the leg-side boundary to pull three sixes, with Tim Southee conceding 37 runs from 12 balls on what the usually curmudgeonly Geoff Boycott described as ‘an uplifting day for English cricket’. Quite. And though one swallow does not make a summer, the confidence boost to the English side augurs well for a series that, a few weeks ago, had looked likely to be as one-sided as a Manny Pacquiao-Floyd Mayweather scorecard.

If nothing else Stokes’s promotion to No. 6 and license to thrill suggests the ECB may not be quite the head in the sand stuffy body it has been portrayed as in some quarters. In fact, they may have seized the cricketing Zeitgeist. With Brendon MuCullum’s Kiwis very much in vogue after their World Cup exploits, it seems the English have ditched their South African born linchpin for a man who took his first breaths in the world in New Zealand. Who says they haven’t been watching which way the winds have been blowing in the game …

Food for thought

A short time ago, devout Muslim Fawad Ahmed was minded to contemplate the conflicting needs to observe Ramadan, which clashes with the series this winter, and the needs of the team. His religious duty to fast would be tricky while taking part in top level sport (though the rules allow for the fasting to be deferred when travelling or sick, so he does have some leeway), but he has spotted a large, gaping gap in to which he can find a solution — and it’s thanks to the England team’s nagging inability to take 20 wickets in a Test these days.

Australia’s Pakistan-born leg-spinner Fawad Ahmed is a devout Muslim

“During training time,” he offered as a time when he might have the chance to undertake his religion’s responsibilities, “…or, maybe, while we bat I can fast ...”

Ponting for England?

Props to first-time coach Ricky Ponting, whose Mumbai Indians claimed the 2015 IPL title with a 41 run victory over a Chennai Super Kings side featuring Michael Hussey. The win marked the end point to a remarkable turnaround for the side who were bottom of the table after two insipid defeats to kick off the campaign and suggest that Ponting may yet prove as able in schooling a disparate bunch of cricketing mercenaries as he was leading possibly the greatest Test side ever assembled.

Punter will be sat by his phone waiting for a call from Andrew Strauss, no doubt.

THE PHONEY WAR

A game of opinions

Kevin Pietersen’s BFF and ECB agitator in chief, Piers Morgan, had some mixed opinions during England’s first test against New Zealand, almost as if his brand of self-promoting, incoherent incredulity lacked proper thought or focus, eh?

Cook's captaincy is diabolical. He couldn't lead a wasp to a jar of honey. #ENGvNZ

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 22, 2015

One of the best Test matches for a long time. Could still go any way tomorrow. England superb today. Cook the glue, Stokes the magic.

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) May 24, 2015

Do I look bothered?

Meanwhile, Michael Clarke has refused to be drawn in to the circus of pre-Ashes fire-stoking … and in the process served a sly dig in the direction of the English, stoking the Ashes fire just a touch. Good work skipper.

Asked his opinion on the goings on of recruitment in the English fold at present, and the possibility of Jason Gillespie taking charge over there, Pup, heading out to the Caribbean for Australia’s two Test series against the West Indies, played a fine forward defensive that still managed to carry an attacking thrust.

Australian captain Michael Clarke all smiles ahead of his departure for the West Indies

“Love Diz. Great fella,” Clarke said. “Unbelievable bloke and I really loved playing with him but I couldn’t care less right now who coaches England. I’m really focused on trying to beat the West Indies team here, I’ll worry about England when we have to.”

That “when we have to” meant some time in 2016 or later, we can neither confirm nor dismiss.

VIEW FROM OVER THERE

The Daily Mail were themselves plagued by a spot of flip-flopping, fence sitting opinion in their coverage of England’s match with the Kiwis, handing Pietersen the man of the series award with England’s top order on the ropes and then, just as swiftly, taking it off him again as the middle order fired in their first innings, all without the South African born ego on legs even facing a ball.

Under the banner headline ‘Who needs KP?’ they explained that England, in fact do, but only rubbish England, OK England can do without him.

“At 30 for four, Pietersen had performed masterfully in absentia; by the time the next wicket fell, 161 runs later, he wasn’t looking so hot.”

Read a full wrap of the latest from the UK’s Fourth Estate here on Fox Sports.

HOW SCARED ARE THE ENGLISH

“New Zealand are a serious Test force but it was still disconcerting to see them, more often than not, as the aggressors at Lord’s. So the looming arrival of the Australian team has hardly flushed the nation with optimism.”

Andy Dunn, of the Daily Mirror, fails to channel his inner Winston Churchill.

Verdict: 7/10 — About as scared as Mick Malthouse being invited for ‘a quiet chat’ with the Carlton suits.

NUMBERS GAME

94.84

Joe Root’s average since being dropped for the Sydney test in 2014, including four hundreds and six fifties in 17 innings. Those are Steve Smith-esque numbers from David Warner’s old mucker.

England's Joe Root has been in fine form during the last 18 months

DIARY OF KEVIN PIETERSEN (AGED 34 AND THREE QUARTERS)

MAY 25:

“Exciting day today. Boarded a big jumbo jet bound for Delhi to get back to playing IPL. It’s the purest form of cricket and I’ve missed it. The ECB is so stuck in its ways they probably haven’t even heard of fireworks, cheerleaders and having 16 feet high posters made up entirely of my face. India’s where it’s at — they know talent when they see it.

One sour note. Asked the pilot if I could come in to the cockpit and have a go at flying the plane. I’d probably be brilliant at it. Definitely what the other passengers wanted. But he said there was some issue with airline rules or something. And the law. Basically didn’t trust me. I’m sick of it …”

THE ASHES EXPLAINED IN (POORLY CONSTRUCTED) VENN DIAGRAMS

Is Ben Stokes the new Ian Botham? A diagram.

Originally published as The Ashes 2015: news, views and nonsense ahead of Australia’s defence of the little urn