‘Bulls***’: England’s Ashes tactic so dumb it beggars belief

The Ashes series has been rocked by an extraordinary claim from the England dressing room following a second Test disaster.

The cricket world has gone into meltdown over extraordinary comments by England coach Brendon McCullum and captain Ben Stokes on Sunday night.

The tourists were humiliated and had their so-called “Bazball” constitutions rocked on Day 4 in Brisbane as Australia finished off an eight-wicket thrashing at the Gabba.

English greats, including Sir Ian Botham and Sir Geoffrey Boycott, have pleaded for the Stokes-McCullum pairing to abandon their cavalier cricketing philosophy after going down 2-0 heading into the third Test in Adelaide, beginning December 17.

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Rather than question the reality that England has never won an Ashes series after going 2-0 down, McCullum and Stokes have doubled down on their unshakeable belief their approach is the right way to play Test cricket.

Boycott has been tearing his hair out after watching England play just one warm up match against an England Lions team at a suburban ground in Perth before they skipped the pink-ball tour match in Canberra.

Some members of the English team had never played against a pink ball before Thursday. It showed.

Despite this, “Baz” and Ben are still refusing to admit any fault.

“Leading into this Test match, I actually felt like we over-prepared, to be honest,” McCullum told Channel 7.

“We had five intense training days and sometimes when you are in the heat of the battle, as well know, sometimes the most important thing is to feel a little bit fresh and make sure your top two inches (brain) is completely sound.

“I think the boys just need a few days off and we probably need to change up a few of the training methods. I’m a horse racing man and you wouldn’t just keep doing the same thing with your horse. You would sent it around in figure eights or over the little jumps just to try and switch it on. We will look at some alternative methods over the next few days.

Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum. Photo: Channel 7 and BBC.

“We have got a couple of days in Noosa, which will be good to spend a couple of days casually, and let the dust settle on what has been a pretty intense couple of weeks and start to plot and plan our way back into the series.”

Stokes also defended the team’s decision to give players a mini-break at the Sunshine Coast holiday destination.

He insisted it is only mentally — not ability — where his side has been outperformed.

“There is a saying we have said a lot here - Australia is not for weak men,” he told the BBC.

“A dressing room that I am captain of is not a place for weak men either. We need to dig deep. I need to dig deep.

“When you come to Australia you can’t be below your best. You need to make sure you seize every opportunity. In this Test match there were a few moments we had the ascendancy with the bat and we let that slip. And there were times when we didn’t execute with the ball as well as we should have. Clearly our catching was an issue as well.

“It is very hard to beat Australia at home if you are going to be deficient in all those three areas as well.”

Despite this, Stokes said going straight back into camp in Adelaide ahead of the third Test would have been a “waste of energy”.

The comments made by England cricket’s Pied Pipers have infuriated cricket commentators around the globe.

English cricket great Darren Gough posted on X: “Over prepared my arse”.

Boycott also pulled out his flamethrower again on Sunday night after watching the Gabba debacle.

“England talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. With this sort of batting and bowling they couldn’t win an egg cup,” he wrote in the UK’s Telegraph.

“Ben Stokes said England had a blueprint. They had been planning this tour for four years and know what they are doing.

“What a load of bulls***. We can’t believe anything Ben or his team say. None of them want to listen to anyone outside of their own camp.

“They are up their own backsides convinced that Test cricket has changed so much that only they know anything about the modern game.

“One of the problems with this squad is it appears nobody tells them off or sits them down and discusses what they could or should have done differently.

Serenity now. Photo by Bradley Kanaris - CA/Cricket Australia via Getty Images.

“But what do I know? I am just a has-been who did four England tours of Australia winning two Ashes series and drawing the other two.”

A wretched Piers Morgan posted: “Another dire drubbing. Come on England, we need a better fight than this.

“Australia aren’t a better team, they’re just playing with more brain-cells - which given they’re Australians, is inexplicable. Wise up, fast.”

English cricket reporter Cameron Ponsonby told Wisden the tourists are one loss away from McCullum facing the sack.

“I thought it was dumb more than anything,” he said of McCullum’s preparation comment.

“We’re one loss in three of jobs going. That’s the territory we’re in now. It’s like knives out. Who’s to blame? Regime change.

“What you don’t want is, at the end of the series, to provide the quote that every single newspaper leads with in their obituary of the Ashes piece. Where did it all go wrong? And after England’s second thrashing in as many Test matches, the head coach... says having had five nets (training sessions) instead of three, ‘We were probably over-prepared actually’.”

He went on to say: “It just felt so tone deaf in that moment and will be held against him if the series continues to go the way that it is”.

After watching Gus Atkinson caught by Steve Smith as England lost its last four wickets in the space of six overs, BBC cricket commentator Simon Mann was ready to throw in the towel.

“That is some of the dimmest cricket I’ve ever seen,” he said.

Former English spinner Phil Tufnell was even more scathing.

“That’s such a whimper. It sends such a bad tone,” Tufnell said after watching Atkinson slog out to a Brendan Doggett short ball.

“It’s like he’s saying, ‘We don’t think we can hang around here. We don’t even think we can take a bit of time and make you work for your wicket’.

“That is just giving away your wicket.”

He went on to say: “I’m sorry. That’s poor.

“A bit of fight. Where’s your fight there? Where’s your pride of playing for your country?”

Perhaps the most bitter pill of all for Stokes to swallow was that he abandoned his typically swashbuckling approach for a traditional Test match style of putting value on his wicket.

His second innings score of 50 came from 152 balls.

Outside of Joe Root’s first innings century, Stokes’ innings was only other time this series where an English batsman has faced more than 100 balls.

It might be time for a net.