Commonwealth Games 2018: Class, courage, humour, outrage, mystery and controversy make up the A-Z

OH the things we have seen: Class, courage, humour, outrage, mystery and controversy … the Gold Coast Games had it all. Robert Craddock runs through his A-Z of the event.

CLASS, courage, humour, outrage, mystery and controversy … the Gold Coast Games had it all.

Most of all it has Australian sport feeling much better about itself after the misery of the ball tampering scandal.

Here’s our A-Z of a fascinating Games.

A is for absent without an excuse. More Gold Coasters were spotted in the main street of Noosa than in Cavill Avenue over the past week after being scared off by grim reaper traffic warnings.

B is for Butt-gate. The opening ceremony was far better than some made out but it was a worry the most publicised moment, unlike say the Barcelona Olympics when an archer’s flaming arrow lit the cauldron, was a women’s semi-naked bottom.

Commonwealth Games Gold Coast opening ceremony bum flash.

C is for Camilla who, for all the protests that she was exhausted from the flight, looked about as engaged at the opening ceremony as a parent taking their children to see the latest Sponge Bob movie.

D is for Duncan Scott, the unsung Scotsman who became his nation’s most famous swimmer since the Loch Ness monster when he beat Kyle Chalmers in a win so unexpected one headline called him Scott Duncan.

E is for England. Did they actually turn up? So much for the Ashes-style rivalry.

Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall are seen during the Opening Ceremony

F is for father’s day, or father’s night when Steve Titmus, father of Ariarne, went off tap in the stands, lighting up the Games swimming program and proving former cool news readers can crack like rest of us.

G is for gritted teeth and Grenada and getting on with life. All three were in play when a bus-driver took the Grenada beach volleyball team not to Coolangatta but the velodrome in Brisbane.

H is for Hambantota the Sri Lankan port which would have hosted the Games had seven delegates voted the other way. With due modesty, this show would have been hard to beat.

I is for the inspiration for the man who gave it all … exhausted Clyde Lewis’ captivating interview with Nathan Templeton after the 400m medley only needed one word to sum up his state — “obliteration.’’

J is for just got to be kidding charging $8.50 for a Fourex can. No wonder Mr Fourex has a permanent grin.

Steve Titmus cheers home daughter Ariarne

Kurt Fearnley of Australia smiles after being presented the silver medal

K is for Kurt Fearnley, wheelchair marvel and orator par excellence. His Prime Minister-standard press conferences were compelling.

L is for lamp shade hats and Lesotho, the Africa nation who wore them at the opening ceremony.

M is for mascot, the popular Borobi who did his job so well that it remains a complete mystery why he was not present at the opening ceremony. A branch meeting perhaps?

N is for the NoDoz that someone forgot to give a certain royal dignitary at the opening ceremony.

O is for orphan-made-good Christopher Remkes whose journey from a Filipino orphanage to gold medal glory in the gymnastics was one of the great stories of the Games.

England have not been the force we expected this year

P is for Pearson as in Sally. The Games were not quite the same without her.

Q is for the just-plain-quirky choice of the Divinyls erotic hit I Touch Myself during the opening ceremony, played as athletes smiled and waved and gave a hearty thumbs up.

R is for Australia’s rampaging cycling team who provided some of best entertainment of the Games.

S is for the saddest faces of the Games, restaurant owners who put on extra staff only to watch them do crosswords.

Sally Pearson withdrew from the event the morning after the opening ceremony

T is for the tumbleweeds we swear we spotted blowing down the main street of Surfers Paradise.

U is for the Usain Bolt phenomenon, still the biggest star in the Games galaxy by a mile and he doesn’t even have to put his spikes on.

V is for the volcanic spray that Zambian boxer Mbachi Kaonga gave the judges after losing to Australia’s Clay Waterman. What is a boxing tournament without a dummy spit?

Bolt and Hemsworth brought the Hollywood factor

W is for the weather gods that generally smiled. When the bell rang at the opening ceremony it was raining like the end of the world was upon us, then suddenly, miraculously, it stopped within minutes.

X is for the crazy X Factors we never expected, none better than Malawi beating New Zealand at netball.

Y is for the yeoman-like dedication of volunteers many of whom had long, lonely shifts.

Z is for Zempilas as is Basil who we felt did a fine job calling the swimming though being a “zed’’ he did not have much to beat given they had a whale but no zebras at the opening ceremony.

Originally published as Commonwealth Games 2018: Class, courage, humour, outrage, mystery and controversy make up the A-Z