Nation of whingers: Harsh truth about Australia

THE Commonwealth Games was an undeniable success for our athletes, but it also exposed something about Australia we have no reason to be proud of.

OPINION

THIS week Commonwealth Games chairman Peter Beattie unleashed a tidal wave of Australian whingeing by whingeing that Australians are a bunch of whingers, after they whinged about the Commonwealth Games Closing Ceremony.

“One of the problems we’ve got is we are getting to a stage of being a pack of whingers,” he told Sky News on Monday night. “When people try and do positive things, everyone who wants to whinge whinges.”

Even aside from the perfect circle of whingeing outlined above, he’s absolutely right. We’re one of the wealthiest nations on Earth, and one where virtually nothing exciting ever happens. It’s as if we whinge for something to do.

Yes, athletes weren’t shown on screen. But was it really worth a national frenzy? We got to see Anthony Callea and Usain Bolt ... Picture: Scott Barbour/Getty Images

Case in point: just this week the check-outs at Woolworths nationwide shut down for approximately one hour because of a technical glitch. Judging by the levels of whingeing, you would have thought we needed to airlift Bono in to feed the starving populace.

“Stuck waiting in Woolworths Southport Park shopping centre for over 30 minutes to pay because their system went down,” wailed one customer on the Woolies Facebook page. “I just left,” she finished ominously, “without my food.”

“What’s going on Woolworths?” panicked another. “I am told all are shutting! PLEASE make sure you let the public know!”

Then there was the time the entire country knotted its collective knickers because an Australian cricketer rubbed a ball with a bit of sandpaper.

“A disgrace and humiliation on the nation,” thundered an editorial in The Australian.

This moment generated nearly a month’s worth of discussion. Clearly we don’t have more important things to worry about. Picture: Ashley Vlotman/Gallo Images/Getty Images

“As this disreputable tour descended from the gutter into the sewer, the mythical line the Australians use as the yardstick for their behaviour has not only become blurred but disappeared altogether,” frothed the Sydney Morning Herald.

It’s as though the hapless Cameron Bancroft had assassinated the Prime Minister. Though maybe that would cheer us up, because we never stop whingeing about whoever’s in that job too.

These national dummy-spits are nothing compared to the ones that we whinge about on a smaller scale. We leave angry notes on cars if they’re parked the wrong way. We shame mothers for breastfeeding in public and then the breastfeeding mothers whinge about being shamed. We rant about the stupidity of anyone on a vegan, gluten-free or dairy-free diet, and then the vegans, gluten-free and dairy-free dieters rant back.

Well, if we can even purchase our dairy-free goods. Picture: Greg Barilla

Then there’s the greatest butthurt that can befall an Australian citizen: getting short-changed on an order of chips.

“Thumbs down to [insert local fish and chip shop here]. I asked for $5 chips. It was more like $3 chips. Far too much salt as well. Not going there any more,” is a 100 per cent genuine — and typical — example found in a local Facebook group.

A friend of mine who manages holiday properties once fielded a whinge from a customer upset about a rabbit running across the lawn of the beachfront home they were renting for $8000 per week.

Australia is the second richest country in the world, according to recent data from Credit Suisse’s Global Wealth Report. The average adult is worth a staggering $402,603, a figure beaten only by Switzerland. We top every global survey for pretty much everything that signifies wealth and having too much time on our hands: we own more mobile phones than almost anyone else, use Facebook more and even smoke more bongs than anyone else on Earth. We’re basically that bored rich kid at a party who’s had too many cones and won’t shut up about his solution to the world’s problems.

So here’s a tip for when you’re organising another Commonwealth Games, Peter Beattie. Don’t worry about marching out the athletes. End the next closing ceremony with a wide shot of 1000 Australians having a good old Aussie whinge. After all, it’s our national sport.

Originally published as Nation of whingers: Harsh truth about Australia