Dos and don'ts: The mug's guide to Victoria's Spring Racing Carnival

HERE'S how to get the most out of the races without making a fool of yourself, giving the Poms a chance to bag us or ending up on YouTube.

SPRING racing is a time to dust off the suit, wear something glam and enjoy a day at the track with friends, but it can quickly take a turn for the worse if you're not careful.

It's the perfect time to kick up your heels and have a drink or two. But if one or two turns into 10 or 20 … well, you know what happens.

Here's a few tips to get the most out of the Spring Racing Carnival, and most importantly, not make a fool of yourself, give the Poms a chance to bag us or end up on YouTube.

DON'TS

1. Don't pose for too many photos after 2pm

You're dressed to the nines and want to look classy in photos with your friends. Tip – pose up before the alcohol kicks in and the make-up starts to melt. This is usually around the 2pm mark.

Selfie at races

2. Don’t blow all your money on the first race

You're in the gate and the first race is about to begin, your wallet is full and you want to start the day on a cash-induced high.  This doesn't mean you blow all of your money on the first race.  Put a realistic bet on and plot your next punt.

races bet

3. Don’t get too hot and heavy

Alcohol + sunny weather + a great atmosphere don't give you the green light to start mauling your significant other, or an attractive stranger in the middle of the bullpen.  The races are a great for flirting so if you like the look of someone, keep yourself nice and go from there. 

4. Don't bow to pressure and blow $600 on a new outfit *

*This doesn’t mean you should wear a dress with a hemline that skims your bum.

horse bookie

5. Don’t hit that guy because he looked at you funny

It’s getting towards the end of the day and you think that guy is greasing you off.  Don’t let the alcohol make you do something you usually wouldn’t. Walk away, drink some water and remember that pepper spray hurts like hell. 

races police

6. Don't start drinking with your boss

You may spot some people from the office. To avoid that feeling of dread on a Sunday morning - don't give them a reason for you to be the key topic of conversation on Monday. Say hi, share a drink, swap betting tips and move on.

READ: Police use pepper spray to control brawl at Caulfield Cup

7. Don’t wear a new pair of shoes

This goes for girls and guys. While your new shoes may look great with that new outfit, it's not worth hobbling your way around the venue.

feet races

8. Don’t ditch your shoes

Speaking of shoes, we know heels are painful after a long day, but ladies the moment you take off your shoes in public your time as part of the classy crowd is at an end. It's all. Downhill. From there. Guys, the same is true for your pants.

boxer boys

9. Don’t wear a kilt and crowd surf

This rule should apply to all events, not just the Spring Carnival. 

kilt races

10. Don't just bet on a horse because the name sounds funny

Drunken Sailor – sure it sounds funny cause that's how you’re feeling, but that doesn't mean it's going to win its race. Ask around and check the form guide for a good tip rather than going on the name of a horse or a jockey's colours. 

drunken sailor

11. Don't gloat about your winnings

Friends who aren’t having a good run will be irritated. They’ll also expect you to buy the next five rounds of drinks.

12. Don't get too close to the action 

A late scratching doesn't mean there’s an opening for you to show off your form on the track. Leave that to the horses.

race invader

What are your racing dos and don'ts? Tell us in the comments below, or share them with us on the Herald Sun Facebook page or Twitter at @TheHeraldSun.

DO

1. Do make sure your chicken sandwiches are not going to poison your friends
You want to avoid paying too much on food, so you pack a basket of goodies. But you will be remembered for all the wrong reasons if your gourmet sandwiches send everyone running to the toilets.

picnic races

2. Do think of others when using the public toilets
Speaking of toilets, the lines are long. Get in and out as quickly as possible.

races line bathroom

3. Do assess the bookie market before placing your bet
Take a few minutes to analyse the market. Your hot tip may be paying a lot more at one bookie than another.

priest races

4. Do celebrate if you have a win
The moment may be fleeting so enjoy it while you can. But it might be best to practice your celebrations beforehand so you don’t end up failing like these guys.

celebrate fail

5. Men - do remember to polish your shoes
Girls do take notice. And remember that white shoes are always a mistake.

MORE: Start time not a factor in Caulfield Cup behaviour

6. Do make sure you have enough cash to avoid the ATM queues
If you do insist on taking your ATM card (you shouldn’t), remember the wait is usually longer than the toilet and bar queues combined.

7. Do wear a tie
The races are not the place for the open-necked Armani lothario look. And don’t just grab the next tie from your bland work rotation. This time of year is the only moment most men can rock the floral print.

gary ablett

8. Do make sure you wear undies in case of unfortunate wind gusts
You don’t want to get caught out on candid camera. Or end up on the the Daily Mail.

races wind

9. Do make use of the ‘free drinking water’ around the track.
It may prove to be the difference between being vertical or horizontal at the end of the day. And it means you're fresh enough to continue partying into the evening.

fall over at races

11. Do plan ahead and take the next day off work
Avoid the stress of pulling a sickie to nurse your hangover

READ: Melbourne Cup tops Victorian sporting calendar for alcohol intoxication

12. Do spare a thought for the cleaners
They're met with a mountain of rubbish after you leave so bin a few cans on your way out.

melbourne cup rubbish

What are your racing dos and don'ts? Share them with us on the Herald Sun Facebook page or on Twitter at @TheHeraldSun

Follow this reporter on Twitter: @BrendoHeraldSun

With Felicity Hetherington