Dream Homes is back! Check out these Aussie stunners

Dream Homes has returned, baby, and it’s moved to the Sunday Mail, where Real Estate Editor Tom Bowden takes the mickey out of some of Australia’s finest homes. No one is safe.

Yikes. Yikes and egad!

I’ve been using my position as Real Estate Editor to push both the “use a licensed tradesperson” and “get a building inspection” barrows for about a decade now.

They’re two things I feel passionately about because, in the first case, I think if something’s worth doing it’s worth doing right and, secondly, if you can avoid spending thousands of dollars on costly repairs because you bought a problem that could have been avoided by getting a building inspection, then why the hell wouldn’t you?

A case in point is this interesting 17 Dodges Hill Rd, Dodges Ferry home in Tasmania.

Blind Freddy can see we’re looking at some pretty severe foundation issues.

I’m not sure if it’s a joist issue, a problem with the underpinning or whether some joker built his house on quicksand, but there’s something fairly major going on.

I mean, sure, it looks great inside, but from the outside you can see something’s gone spectacularly awry.

Pretty sure our SA-based stylists use the same print …

The bath’s big enough for the whole family. But that’s an unpleasant thought.

The kitchen – where the meals are almost as cooked as that facade.

Actually, hang on, our lawyer wants me to point out that there is absolutely nothing structurally wrong with this house. He wants me to stress the earth is not actually claiming this luxurious home, but that its outside appearance is a deliberate aesthetic choice.

He said I have to make sure readers know that it’s not being dragged towards the underworld, but that it just looks wanky …

He also wants me to read stuff properly before I start blindly typing, although I’m not sure if that’s something I’m legally meant to include here or if that was just advice for my own benefit.

What’s with the couch and beanbag? Run out of money for proper cinema seating?

Anyway, how are those cinema carpets though? I love them. But it does make me sad to think that somewhere out there an Adelaide Metro bus is missing its seat covers.

Price not disclosed

$14m is just water under the bridge

At 305m long, I’m calling this “A Bridge To Far” …

I’m not saying I’m a big deal, but I once swam to the end of an infinity pool. That’s not so much a comment on my swimming abilities, which are dangerously inadequate, but more a lesson on how important it is we not be misleading about how we title things. I mean, can you imagine being a tourist and visiting Paradise Interchange for the first time?

The horror …

Anyway, I bring up the infinity pool because this 42 Drummoyne Ave, Drummoyne, place has one. Come to think of it, this place has pretty much everything. As it should for its hefty price tag of $14m. For those of you not familiar with Drummoyne, it’s a ritzy waterfront suburb about 7km from the mighty Sydney Harbour Bridge. But you can throw that monstrosity in the bin, because here you have a prime view of another of Sydney’s stunning bridges – arguably the standout feature of the home.

Points off ’cos you can’t jump from the balcony into the pool. Rookie design error.

Save money on plantation shutters by buying them in bulk.

You won’t be disturbed by neighbours because they’re blurry.

Yeah I can’t really trash this kitchen. Straight up, that’s a nice kitchen.

The 305m long Gladesville Bridge has so far attracted some 211 positive Google reviews, ranging from the enthusiastic: “We drove across this bridge on our way into Sydney. 10/10 I can’t wait to come back!” to the gushing: “This is a concrete bridge over the Parramatta and does a solid job getting you from one shore to the other. For crossing the Parramatta near Gladesville this is the bridge for you. 10/10 would cross again” to the practically glowing: “It goes from one side of Parramatta river to the other. Unlike other bridges that go the other way. Strongly recommend if you’re in Gladesville and want to get to Drummoyne. Or indeed the reverse.”

Let’s take a look through the arched window …

So as far as bridges, and indeed proximity to a good one goes, this place is a winner.

Having said that, I’ve just remembered trolls live under bridges and, honestly, I get enough grief from them commenting on the Facebook posts for my stories to want to enter their territory, so I’m going to give this one a hard pass.

It’s nice to know the bridge won’t inhibit the Wi-Fi though …

$14m