‘You can’t unsee things’: Ex detective on toll of child abuse cases
Long before police charged a childcare worker with 1623 child abuse offences, a handful of officers did the unthinkable.
Long before police arrested and charged a former childcare worker with 1623 child abuse offences — including 136 counts of rape — specially trained officers had to do the unthinkable.
On Tuesday, the Australian Federal Police announced that a 45-year-old Gold Coast man had allegedly offended against 87 children in Australia.
He had worked in multiple childcare centres in Brisbane and in Sydney and another overseas, the AFP said.
The AFP-led joint taskforce – which including Queensland Police and the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation – collected nearly 4000 images and videos the man had allegedly shared on the dark web.
And somebody had to watch them all.
That task is not for the faint-hearted. Nobody knows that better than Narelle Fraser.
“My first thought was those poor investigators that have been exposed to this because I have been in that exact position,” the former Detective Senior Constable told news.com.au.
“This sort of an investigation is very, very challenging, and it takes a lot out of you.”
Ms Fraser, 64, said cases like these have a lasting toll on the investigators – a toll she continues to live with.
“A lot of the investigators will have kids themselves, and you just can’t go home and turn off.”
“Even though I haven’t policed for years, it still feels like a knife in my heart. That sort of job will never ever not affect me.”
Ms Fraser worked for Victoria Police for 27 years, most of those years were with the Child Abuse Investigative Team. While she “loved” the role, the horrors she witnessed forced her to quit the force in 2012 and saw her diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Just weeks before she left, Ms Fraser was tasked with watching 1700 videos of the worst child sex abuse material imaginable as part of an investigation.
She said it left her “bottle overflowing” and struggling to sleep.
“Somebody had to look at [the videos] to give evidence to the court as to what they were. And unfortunately, that was me at the time.
“I actually gasped out loud a couple of times watching them … it’s emotions that I couldn’t control.”
“Even though these officers are more than likely very experienced as I was, there comes a time when your mind just says that is enough … There is only so much that any human being can cope with.”
As part of her role, Ms Fraser also had the difficult job of informing parents their children were victims of a crime.
“To tell them that their child has been abused, and it’s on the dark web. It’s just beyond description. The parents I told collapsed, it was just horrendous.”
“I am not for one minute taking away from the parents or the children. But I can’t think of a more difficult conversation to have, especially when you have seen those images. It’s just so cruel.”
Over 10 years after leaving the force, Ms Fraser is still triggered by what she saw on the job, details of which she still can’t share with people.
“I have only now just started to be able to look at children playing or to be with little kids without thinking of those videos.”
While she still has nightmares, the 64-year-old has learned to manage her PTSD over the years.
“You can’t unsee things you’ve seen … All those sorts of things that impact you, you just can’t ever forget. Until the day I die, I’ll never forget what I saw.”
More Coverage
Ms Fraser now works as a public speaker and podcast host, where she shines a light on mental health and how investigations impact officers.
Her advice to the officers involved in the case of the charged childcare worker is simple: “Don’t think you’re Superman or Superwoman.”
“Don’t ignore the signs like I did because I lost the best career in the world because I put my head in the sand thanking ‘this is my job, this is what I’ve got to do’. If I would have sought some professional help, maybe I could still be doing it”