‘Self loathing’ Ben McCormack sought help before his arrest on child porn charges

DISGRACED journalist Ben McCormack was so troubled by his own thoughts he sought professional help.

BEN McCormack sought professional help for his sexual interest in young boys because of “self loathing” it caused him, a court has heard.

It was revealed today the former A Current Affair journalist approached psychologists for help years before he was charged with child porn offences — and he was so fearful of his urges he even avoided children.

Judge Paul Conlon told McCormack’s sentencing hearing at Sydney’s Downing Centre District McCormack “sought professional assistance for what he knew was wrong” and the “self loathing” it caused for many years.

The Crown is seeking a custodial sentence for the 43-year-old but Judge Conlon suggested the offences were of the lower end of the scale and the agreed facts of the case were not “typical” of the sort of child porn charges normally seen by judges.

McCormack pleaded guilty to two charges of using a carriage service to transmit child pornography after Skype conversations between him and a Western Australian paedophile were intercepted by police.

“He realised the wrongness of his thoughts ... in his own mind, particularly sober, he avoided situations the facts could transfer from fantasy [to reality].”

The court heard the offending took place when McCormack was drunk and would need to satisfy his sexual urges.

“Whenever he self-medicated, that is with alcohol, that was when he was most prone to engaging in this sort of behaviour,’ Judge Conlon said, reading from defence submissions.

McCormack twice tried to take his life after he was arrested in April and in a suicide note to his family he wrote he could not “bear the shame and disgrace” and his “life should be his to take away”.

In another note, his lawyer Sam Macedone said McCormack wrote: “It’s not your mess I’ve created, it’s mine.”

Ben McCormack sought help for his sexual interest in children years before his arrest. Picture: AAP

At one stage, McCormack’s condition was considered so serious he was being monitored hourly in hospital. His reputation had “been destroyed”, Mr Macedone said.

“His main concern isn’t so much what he has to go through but what he is putting his family through,”

He called the sexual urges McCormack’s “worst thoughts”.

After he was discharged from hospital, McCormack spoke to Mr Macedone about the evidence the police had gathered against him. He told his lawyer he was yet to decide whether he would front court or take his life.

“I did what I could to satisfy him all would be OK. Thankfully he’s here today.”

The court heard McCormack had been diagnosed with alcohol abuse disorder, panic disorder and a social phobia.

Judge Conlon asked the prosecutor to clarify if McCormack would have committed an offence, as he has been charged, if the conversation had taken place somewhere other than over the phone or internet.

The prosecutor conceded it would not have been, but said the offence was complete when the “words were sent”.

Judge Conlon said on the agreed facts there was “no evidence that the images sent by the accused were of children in pornographic poses or activities” so therefore must be viewed down towards the “lowest end of the scale” of child pornography crimes.

The agreed facts state although there was no videos or photos of child porn transmitted by McCormack the conversations showed the men did exchange images.

The judge said it appeared McCormack had never acted on any of his “fantasies” and had actively avoided places where small children were present.

The case was unlike any he had dealt with due to McCormack seeking help himself before the charges were laid.

“It appears that none of this has ever been acted on... is it not a person talking about a fantasy?

The internet conversations could be classified as transmitting child porn but in its lowest form, that of “descriptions” of children in sexual activity, he said.

The Crown prosecutor agreed it was a positive sign the journalist had taken steps to get help, but noted the offending continued without a break and there were aspects of the intercepted conversations where McCormack spoke of his desire to carry out his fantasies.

McCormack arrives at the Downing Center District Court in Sydney today to learn his fate. (AAP Image/Ben Rushton)

Ben McCormack (right) looks on as his lawyer Sam Macedone speaks to the media as they leave the Downing Centre after his guilty plea. Picture: AAP

He’d also continued to carry out volunteer work with Bondi surf-lifesavers throughout that time, although there was no evidence of any wrongdoing.

The prosecutor said it appeared McCormack had been affected by his interest in children his entire life.

It was also revealed that sex crimes detectives discovered McCormack through the paedophile he was talking with in WA, who was already under investigation. Once their conversations began, McCormack himself became a target.

Judge Conlon adjourned the sentencing until December 6 so he could read the lengthy crown and defence submissions.

McCormack wiped tears from his eyes and was comforted by supporters after the adjournment.

Outside of court McCormack stood by Sam Macedone as his lawyer told reporters he was, “very pleased by how things went today.”

Mr Macedone said he was not confident McCormack wouldn’t be jailed.

“I am never confident of anything like that,” he said.

McCormack was asked how he was feeling but did not answer.

McCormack was sensationally charged after raids on both his Sydney home and the A Current Affair offices at the Nine Network.

He pleaded guilty in September and a police fact sheet revealed the disturbing nature of the conversations between McCormack and the Western Australian paedophile.

He and the man then discussed a series of sex acts they wanted to commit on young boys.

On the same day the man said to him: “Mate, you think you will always be a p [paedophile]?”

McCormack replied: “Yep. U? I’ll always have the attraction ... They are beautiful.”

On August 1 the two men talked about their desire for sex with underage boys. The unidentified male said: “Can’t wait to have one for real ha.”

McCormack reporting on A Current Affair.

McCormack pleaded guilty to child porn charges in September.

McCormack answered: “They are so beautiful. I want to make love to one so badly.”

Much of the police facts was too explicit for news.com.au to publish — but it included a conversation, intercepted by sex crimes detectives, on New Year’s Day this year where the man asked McCormack if he thought he would ever “play with one? Or just fantasy?”

“I’d love to,” McCormack told him.

Later that day he added: “Proud ped, proud b lover.”

He resigned from Channel 9 before his shock guilty plea.

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If you or someone you know needs help, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 for 24-hour Australian counselling services.