Election 2019: James Weir recaps the second leaders’ debate

After a dismal and awkward first debate, the gloves were off for Scott Morrison and Bill Shorten’s latest face off.

What the latest leadership showdown lacked in weird stools, it made up for in pre-written insults, props and ScoMo taunting his opponent in what can only be described as a near-physical altercation.

The gloves were off for Scott Morrison and Bill Shorten at last night’s Sky News People’s Forum - and we certainly weren’t in Perth anymore, where Monday’s dismal debate fizzled. We were in Brisbane: The land of Bundy Rum and Bindi Irwin. You don’t get more rough and tumble than that.

The days of the Channel 7 debate and the awkward stools were long ago. Five days ago, to be exact. Wow. Time flies when you’re still trying to figure out what “franking” means.

Monday night was about the leaders reluctantly sitting next to each other - united only in their annoyance with having to tolerate Basil Zempilas. But last night was a fight. The battle was on and they were going for each other’s throats. Scott has become increasingly irritated in the past 48 hours after the whole Jessica Whelan ordeal and that testiness was still on display at the forum.He was lashing out in the same way I did that time at Red Rooster when they said they were out of chips.

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Bill has been going through a similar bungle with his now-former candidate Luke Creasey but what he was more twisted up about was the fact Scott caught him out for not knowing the cost of an electric car at Monday’s debate. He’d been stewing on it for days and he was coming for blood. Bill was disdainful while Scott was smug and annoyed - not the most appealing qualities for leaders to display. But Bill had a secret weapon that softened him to the people - he got personal. It was a trick he used many times as the hour rolled on.

Each time a voter asked a sensitive question, Bill would pause and ask for the person’s name. He told people he would chat with them after the debate. He was giving us both fire and empathy. And Scott just … dad-splained.

Sky host David Speers was tasked with moderating the debate and we kept cutting to him standing in the audience holding question cards and a microphone like Ricki Lake.

We thought for sure the results of a paternity would be revealed. Tonight wasn’t about paternity tests but something just as riveting: renewable energy investments and franking credit policy. GO RICKI! GO RICKI!

Sassy Bill turned it on - an improvement from Monday night’s awkward stool debate. Picture: Kym Smith

Both Scott and Bill have had a rough couple of days - trying to connect with voters on the campaign trail while also dealing with candidates who don’t realise that people can see what they type on the internet. They were just waiting for someone to bring up the dramas.

Early on, a woman in the crowd posed a question about a citizen’s right to share their views on Facebook. Eep. Both Scott and Bill looked stunned.

Was she talking about both their candidates who had just been nixed following offensive Facebook posts? Nah. She was just talking about an Aussie’s right to condemn abortion on their own Facebook page. Phew! We thought it was going to be something controversial. Moving on!

Obviously with this kind of high-octane topic matter, Bill and Scott couldn’t be seated on stools. They needed to feel the blood course through their veins as they feigned enthusiasm when asked a random question about post offices. So they stood. But not in the same place.

They “utilised the stage” as Delta Goodrem would say on The Voice.

It was almost choreographed. They utilised that damn stage like Beyonce. When one zigged, the other zagged. They circled each other on the platform like they were about to engage in a breakdance competition.

In the most confronting moment of the night, Scott got up in Bill’s grill. I know that rhymes - “Bill’s grill” - and now all we can think about is Bill opening up a charcoal chicken shop. But it was a threatening moment, so don’t underestimate the intensity.

Scott was aggressive and getting physical. He was trying to intimidate and bully. It was almost a jostle. And we kinda get it. Bill can be a bit of a know-it-all nerd. Who wouldn’t want to dunk his head in a toilet? The near-tussle came off the back of a question about old people and taxes so obviously a near-physical altercation just made sense.

Still, the visual of the prime minister getting up close and personal and pointing in the opposition leader’s face like a mum trying to make a Myer sales associate give her a refund on bed sheets she bought 18 months ago didn’t look great.

An appropriate reaction to franking credit policy. Picture: Kym Smith

But Bill had a zing in his back pocket. All good Myer sales associates do.

“You’re a classic space invader!” he snipped at Scott, who’s face was now millimetres away. Great insult. A spin on everyone’s favourite ‘90s adolescent burn, “space cadet”.

We love a re-work of a classic. It was one of many burns Bill had come prepared with. He’d obviously been bouncing a few off Chloe during the week and rehearsed the delivery.

This was a Bill we hadn’t seen. Gone was the meek and polite dweeb from Monday night. When host Speers continually cut him off or wrapped him up, Bill bit back - demanding more time and powering on.

“I’ll be another 10 or 30 seconds,” he asserted, shutting Speers down as the crowd laughed, knowing Bill was going to crap on even longer. It was the political version off texting your mate to say you’re almost there when really you’re still undressed and doing a hydrating face mask while waiting for your Deliveroo order to arrive. Bill wasn’t going to conclude anything in 30 seconds.

But the sass wasn’t reserved for David Speers. Bill also sassed Scott. I hate the word “sass” as it usually only describes the attitude of 20-something girls in the hours after they get an edgy new haircut, but sass is what Bill was serving.

“It’s not fair, Scotty,” he sniped.

Oooooh. Brazen! If you recall, on Monday night, Bill stumbled at the end and called his opponent, “Mr Morrison … I mean… Scott?” like in high school when you’re not sure if you’re allowed to call your mate’s mum Diane.

Bill had been feeling foolish ever since that stumble, so he lurched at the opportunity to whip out a “Scotty”. And if Scott really irritated him, he was more than prepared to call him Diane, just for kicks.

Bill didn’t stop at name calling. He also came armed with props: a piece of paper torn out of a Spirex notepad with a sum of money drawn on it. Iconic. It’s the rubber chicken of prop politics.

The only other scrap of paper more famous than this is the one Merlin held on Big Brother when he left the house with his mouth taped shut. Picture: Kym Smith

The prop came just as Scott refused to give specifics on income tax cuts.

“What about people earning about $180,000 a year, how much is going to them?” Speers asked.

When the PM wouldn’t answer, Bill started scribbling in the background, saying, “Do you want me to help there?”

We thought for sure he was about to spice up the evening by making a cootie catcher. He didn’t. Disappointing, indeed. He was just scribbling the figure “$77 billion”.

It was scrappy retaliation against the prime minister for tripping him up on live television with Monday’s electric car price question.

Scott gleefully knew the car price - and tonight, Bill also happened to know the price of things. Now it was Bill’s turn to prove his opponent didn’t have all the facts and figures. The scrap of paper was payback.

According to the poll of 100 undecided voters who made up the live audience, Bill pipped the PM.

If Bill Shorten wins the prime ministership on May 18, he will proudly keep that scrap of paper and display it on his desk. And just maybe turn it into a cootie catcher.

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