EXCLUSIVE!! How Scott Ludlam and Larissa Waters slipped through Greens unnoticed

THE “exclusive” transcript of the Greens party room meeting where two overseas-born senators slipped by unnoticed has been revealed.

WARNING: THIS IS SATIRE

The nation has been shocked in recent days to discover that despite being the whitest political party to exist since the South lost the Civil War, the Greens in fact contained a number of MPs who were born overseas.

While it is true both its dual citizens came from white English-speaking countries, this is still the most multicultural the Greens party room has ever been.

Unfortunately due to a minor technicality in an obscure political document called “the Constitution”, you are not supposed to be running Australia if you in fact belong to another country.

As a result the New Zealand-born Scott Ludlam and Canadian-born Larissa Waters have been forced to resign from parliament and many people are asking how the party could have failed to know they were from overseas.

However, we can reveal that as recently as their final party room meeting last week, there was no indication whatsoever that any Greens MPs were from other countries.

In fact, in yet another extraordinary EXCLUSIVE, we have obtained the transcript of leader Richard Di Natale addressing Ludlam, Waters, Lee Rhiannon, Adam Bandt, Sarah Hanson-Young, Peter Whish-Wilson, Janet Rice, Rachel Siewert and Nick McKim. And, as you can see, it was a perfectly typical Greens meeting…

RICHARD: Okay, thank you for coming everybody. Firstly, is everybody here?

LARISSA: Ya.

LEE: Da.

ADAM: Ja.

SARAH: Oui.

PETER: Si.

JANET: Hai.

RACHEL: Shi.

NICK: Ne.

SCOTT: Prisint.

RICHARD: Great, thank you. Now on to our agenda. Does anybody have any big ideas?

LEE: Glorious revolution of the Bolsheviks!

SARAH: La Patrol du Mer!

LARISSA: I could sure go for some maple syrup, eh?

ADAM: Ja. Und soy bratwurst!

RICHARD: Actually, before we break for lunch I was thinking we could develop some policy. Or perhaps set some goals for the coming parliamentary session?

LEE: Glorious revolution of the Bolsheviks!

RICHARD: Er, yes. Thank you Lee.

SARAH: À tort se lamente de la mer qui ne s’ennuie d’y retourner.

RICHARD: I honestly don’t see what this has to do with the sea, Sarah.

SARAH: Connard.

JANET: Perhaps most noble sacrifice to honour memory of ancestors?

RICHARD: No, I mean a plan. You know – a set of realistic goals and a framework for achieving them.

ADAM: You mean like Kraftwerk?

PETER: Mamma mia! What’s-a-come-and-a-go!

RACHEL: What is this word “rearistic”?

RICHARD: What? You know – achievable, possible, actionable, tangible, practical.

LARISSA: Man, it’s like he’s speaking another language, eh?

PETER: Si.

NICK: Geugeon sasil-iya.

RICHARD: Okay fine. We’ll just keep fighting amongst ourselves, protest against everything Labor or Liberal announces and block every piece of legislation on principle.

LARISSA: Great.

LEE: Ochen khorosho.

ADAM: Sehr gut.

SARAH: Très bien.

PETER: Molto bene.

JANET: Totemo yoi

RACHEL: Hěn hǎo.

NICK: Aju joh-a.

SCOTT: Choice, bro!