Silence is over: Abused altar boy names his monster

A seven-year-old boy who was abused by a Catholic priest is still traumatised by what happened.

He was seven years old when he was first sexually assaulted by a man who was adored and respected by his family, by everyone around him.

This man was his parish priest. And a monster.

Thirty-six years later the “normality of it” all still haunts Ben G as he navigates life as a sexual abuse survivor.

“I wish I could say it only happened once. But it didn’t. The pattern repeated. Sometimes I’d be called once a week, sometimes more,” Ben G shares in his book about his early years as an altar boy at St Mary’s Catholic Church in Beaudesert, Queensland.

Terence Ganzer abused an altar boy at St Mary's Catholic Church in Beaudesert, Queensland

Ben G has received his apology from the chuch but it doesn’t make up for the years of abuse.

“Each time, I felt a little more hollow. A little more afraid. I started pretending to be sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school. I would cry before the bus came. I told my mum I had headaches. Stomachaches. Anything to stay home.”

Ben said he never thought about telling anyone.

“Why would I? I was a child being guided by people I trusted - teachers, parents, priests. When I was called out of class to help prepare for mass, it felt like a privilege,” he said.

“The church was only a short walk from the classroom, and no one ever questioned why I was going there alone. In fact, it was seen as a reward. Something to aspire to.”

It all seemed like just another part of school. Like another subject.

“There were no alarms, no red flags. Just me and the priest, Father Terence Ganzer, walking across the schoolyard to the sacristy. Alone.”

Ben, who asked that his last name be kept secret, told news.com.au he decided to write about his trauma after many many years of “not really knowing what to do”.

Ben G’s book is on sale today.

The Catholic Church has apologised to Ben for the sexual abuse he suffered.

“I just hit rock bottom, I was going to counselling, I have crippling anxiety, I can’t go out in public … it got to a point where my then wife encouraged me to see someone and open up about stuff and it just snowballed from there,” he said.

“Only recently the church has formally apologised to me and I found the strength to open up.

“I’m angry that the church still carries on with what they do, while my whole life has been a misery.”

During the process of writing his book called God F**ked Me, Ben G has tracked down another person who was an altar boy at the time.

“He’s going through similar things to me, he’s struggling, while the Church just carries on.”

In May this year Ben received a letter from the Archbishop of Brisbane acknowledging his experiences while a student in the care of St Marys Catholic Primary School and an altar server at St Marys Catholic Church at Beaudesert.

It’s time to start a proper conversation and inspire change.

“The conduct of the priest was totally unacceptable and a betrayal of his obligations as a priest,” the letter said.

“I would like to apologise unreservedly for the sexual assaults to which you were subjected as a child entrusted to the care of the school and of the local parish. I deeply regret the effects the sexual abuse has had on you.”

Ben said the apology was long overdue but didn’t really bring him closure, just more anger.

He hopes God F**ked Me, which is out today, will “spark a conversation”.

“I want to encourage other survivors who have gone through this to come forward and hopefully force these institutions to face the damage they have done and have covered up.”

For a copy of the book visit: https://godfked.me