Bet a million bucks you see blokes doing this at the Melbourne Cup today
Fellas, have you left the house today wearing this? Turns out, you’re not alone. And after reading this, you may want to turn around.
An urgent warning is being issued to Aussie blokes about a crime wave that’s set to sweep today’s Melbourne Cup celebrations with offences including beige chinos, white shirts and navy blazers.
The outfit combo has become an all-purpose look for many gents – one that takes them from school formals to weddings, and every other event that may ever arise.
An unflinching investigation by news.com.au across the weeks-long Spring Racing Carnival found the popular mix-and-match ensemble – dubbed The Uniform – is a go-to favourite for blokes partying at the track. Photos taken only minutes apart at Saturday’s Golden Eagle show the look in all its glory.
“He wore it to formal and the races last year,” one fed-up girlfriend said of her boyfriend’s outfit at Rosehill racetrack.
“It’s the formula. It doesn’t even fit him properly, but he still wears it.”
Zach Miller, the 22-year-old boyfriend in question, was blindsided by the sartorial swipe but did not dispute the allegations.
“It’s my brother’s,” he confessed.
For the record, his school formal was four years ago.
Mr Miller’s mates said they were tired of seeing their friend sport the same outfit at every event. Mainly because he looked identical to hundreds of fellow guests.
“I swear to god, at least 750 blokes come here wearing beige chinos, white shirts, blue blazers,” one of them said. “I reckon they all go to a meeting and agree on wearing it. They all meet up beforehand and come out to the races. Then they walk past each other and high-five.”
Nicole Adolphe, head of style at The Iconic, said it’s no surprise. After all, men love two things: quoting Anchorman. And dressing like they’re in a secret club.
“Men aren’t as concerned about the possibility that every guy in their circle might be sporting the same ensemble,” she said.
“On the contrary, they appreciate safety in numbers, as it reinforces the notion that they too have chosen the right look for the occasion.”
Sales figures from the online Aussie retailer show this year’s top-selling colour in the blazer category is navy blue, while the most-sold pant is the chino.
“It’s simple, easy, and cheap,” said Matt Staples, a 29-year-old financial planner who was wearing The Uniform at Saturday’s races.
He purchased the outfit five years ago and it quickly became his go-to. He said “probably about 99% of guys” at all events he attends are wearing the same look.
Fashion designer Alex Perry said it’s a classic look that can be easily fumbled.
“It’s not that the items are bad in themselves – it’s the execution,” he said.
“If you’re gonna do it, get a sharp, beautiful blazer and clean, crisp pants. Iron them!”
But this memo from Mr Perry isn’t being received by some fellas, who opt to see The Uniform less as an elegant look and more as the sartorial equivalent of a spare parts car yard.
“Honestly, this is a very mismatched outfit,” Will Borton, 20, said at the Golden Eagle. “I’ve got my dad’s tie, my sister’s boyfriend’s shirt, and my brother’s blazer. I’ve got my own pants.”
Celebrity stylist Donny Galella, who’s dressing singer Samantha Jade and model Erin Holland for today’s Melbourne Cup celebrations, said The Uniform has become “the little black dress” for blokes. He suggested experimenting with other colours like sage green and rusty reds.
But if you’ve already left the house wearing The Uniform this morning, Lisa Bean, senior buyer at The Iconic, recommended a quick zhuzh by rolling up the sleeves and undoing a few buttons.
“If you prefer sticking to The Uniform, accessories like sunglasses and shoes play a pivotal role and enhance the individuality of your chinos and blazer ensemble,” she said.
At the very least, make sure to give The Uniform the occasional rinse.
Darcy Kelleher, 34, wasn’t even sure his outfit had been cleaned since its last whirl around the races.
“It’s been in my closet for a while. I just woke up this morning and put it on,” he said at the Golden Eagle.
He has owned his version of The Uniform for six years. There was a tear at the elbow and the shoulders were covered in dust. His fly was undone.
“It’s timeless,” he said.
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