Single in Sydney’s Sarah needs a real ghostbuster after being ‘Ghosted’ on the eve of Halloween

AFTER about a week of checking my silent phone I realised it had happened again. I’d been ‘ghosted’ — that’s when a potential mate suddenly seems to fall off the face of the earth.

When Sarah’s ‘ghosted’ she calls in the experts

JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember.

That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every Friday.

Week 30 I’ve just seen a ghost

What’s worse? Being dumped, or being ghosted?

Ghosted, you see, is modern dating speak for when somebody disappears. With a ‘poof’ and a little cloud of smoke.

They’ve probably unmatched or deleted you from whatever dating site they met you on.

They have stopped texting and have read your latest WhatsApp (thanks, blue ticks). But haven’t replied.

And I reckon being ghosted is much worse than having the good old “it’s not you it’s me” dumping conversation.

Ghosted, you see, is modern dating speak for when somebody disappears. With a ‘poof’ and a little cloud of smoke. Picture: Braden Fastier

Instead, all you’ve got is silence, as you wonder …

Maybe you were too keen?

Maybe you weren’t keen enough?

Maybe you shouldn’t have talked so much?

Maybe you should have been more forward?

Maybe you should have slept with him?

Maybe you shouldn’t have told him about your cat?

Maybe you should have told him about your job?

Yep, rather than go thorough the torture of being dumped, you can only torture yourself.

And it happened to me recently.

“When a potential love interest doesn’t continue pursuing you, it’s important to not take this personally” — Dating expert John Aitken

There was brunch … dinner … oysters … a balcony … a view … hand-holding (him first) …

kissing (him first again) … a sofa … and then …

Nothing.

And I’d message him first, but I instigated things the last time so I feel it’s kind of up to him now.

After about a week of checking my silent phone I realised it had happened again.

I’d been ghosted

I felt pretty foul. And I didn’t know how to make myself feel better.

So I asked for some advice. From a real Ghostbuster. Well, kind of.

Everybody sing ... Ghostbusters!

John Aitken, RSVP Dating expert

RSVP’s dating expert John Aitken, who’s also a psychologist, gave me a virtual stroke on he arm, saying: “It’s all about keeping an upbeat dating mindset,” and adding that technology is making it easier to ditch somebody without having to do anything at all.

Literally.

But he said it’s probably not my fault.

“When a potential love interest doesn’t continue pursuing you, it’s important to not take this personally,” he said.

Right. Which sounds a bit similar to that old ‘it’s not you it’s me’ line.

Harold Ramis, Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd in 1984 film Ghostbusters

Aitken added: “Remind yourself it’s a numbers game and that you’re simply sifting through the bad to get to the good.

Yes. Bad to get to the good. Got it.

He also said to look at what I might be doing wrong — with the help of my friends.

No one could think if anything, except Lex, who said I should make sure I stay positive and Jenny, who said she reckons I probably won’t end up meeting a boyfriend the normal way, like online or in a bar, anyway.

“Otherwise, simply chalk it up to a poor dating experience and move on to the next opportunity,” finished Aitken.

So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

‘Cause I ain’t scared of no ghost.

Have you been ghosted? Let me know. Tweet me @swainey123 or email [e-mail]

Originally published as Single in Sydney’s Sarah needs a real ghostbuster after being ‘Ghosted’ on the eve of Halloween