‘Women are just as bad’: How to know if your partner is planning to cheat

Jana Hocking has revealed the often subtle early warning signs to help you identify if your partner is attempting to do the dirty.

Having been single for a while, I’ve noticed some warning signs that someone might be attempting to cheat on their partner – with me.

From sliding into my DMs with a fire emoji to asking me to join their “boys lunch” or checking my current dating status, there are sly early signs.

But it wasn’t until I asked my Instagram followers to share their cheating stories that I realised just how widespread it was. And we’re not talking about the usual suspects – the creepy boss, the slimy finance bro, the player. These are normal people like you or me.

I shared a multitude of their stories on Instagram, and my DMs went wild.

Suddenly, everyone was becoming a little paranoid. I had girls sending me pictures of their boyfriends and asking if I recognised them or if they had ever slid into my DMs.

I had super sleuths telling me the sneaky tactics they used to catch their partners in the act. I had men sharing stories of how they caught their wives out, and that’s when something really struck me.

Cheating doesn’t discriminate.

I know men often get a bad rap for being unable to “keep it in their pants”, but it turns out women are just as bad.

Take this story for example.

One man wrote in to say, “I found the morning after pill wrapper in our outside bin. It was from a chemist in another suburb from a morning I was away for work.” Brutal.

Then there were the partners who turned into James Bond when they got a gut feeling their partners were cheating.

There are some ‘sly early signs’ a man is a bout to cheat. Picture: iStock

'Having been single for a while, I’ve noticed some warning signs that someone might be attempting to cheat on their partner – with me.' Picture: Instagram/@jana_hocking

One guy wrote in saying he thought his wife might be cheating with her boss, so he told her to go out and enjoy a morning to herself while he looked after their kids. What she didn’t know was that he had put an old mobile phone in her car and let it record. He said, “She came back saying, ‘thank you so much, that was just what I needed’. I grabbed the phone to hear her talking about his d**k to him.” He also revealed that his wife is now his ex-wife.

Ooft.

There was another man who found his best mate in bed with his new wife while the kids were home. He said he found out they had been doing the deed for a year and a half, so he had his daughter’s DNA tested - “And let’s say the marriage only lasted four months”.

Another man who was the unfortunate “other” in a cheating scenario wrote, “Got caught when her husband used her old phone, and her Facebook was still logged in. I had sent her messages on Messenger and got a call on it from him. Thought she was single, so quite the surprise”.

And then there were the “I’m not gay but …” confessions, with one lady writing in to say, “My male colleague that works FIFO with me is hooking up with men that are married with/without kids and girlfriends every other night. They meet on Grindr, no profile pic, just a door open, lights out policy. Some just want a blow job, others do more”. Which is surprising to some, but talk to any of your gay friends, and they have many stories about straight married men who are “up for it”.

‘If your gut is telling you they are cheating, they usually are.’

'It wasn’t until I asked my Instagram followers to share their cheating stories that I realised just how widespread it was'.

And then there were the revenge stories.

One man said, “Found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, so I hired an escort. I made a bowl of popcorn for my missus before she got home from work so she could walk in on us f***ing. Payback!”

As I read through message after message from my followers, all with equally horrifying cheating stories, I realised why there’s such a long waiting list for couples’ therapy. Everyone’s running around like horny rabbits behind their partners’ backs.

So here are some warning signs I’ve learned from this experience to identify if your partner is attempting to cheat:

1. If your gut is telling you they are cheating, they usually are. Annoyingly, our intuition is rarely wrong.

2. If they follow a LOT of bikini-clad women on Instagram, there’s a mighty high chance they are also sending these girls fire emojis in their DMs. The amount I get from men with partners in their profile pics is outrageous, and I’m a five compared to the 10s they’re also following.

3. Keep an eye on your friends. So many of the cheating stories involved mutual friends of the couple, not strangers.

4. Women keep their cheating habits very secret, men brag. They brag A LOT. So if your man is cheating, his friends probably know. Ask around.

5. Phones hide a multitude of sins. If your partner suddenly gets really protective over his phone, get curious.

So a word to the wise – remember, infidelity is a slippery slope. One stray eye can lead to a whole lot of trouble. Divorce is expensive, and revenge is often served cold.

So tread lightly, dear naughty ones. I assure you no cheeky roll in the hay is worth the drama it brings with it.

Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking